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Chapter 16

"Holy shit! And you just ran into him?"

I grin. "Yes! I saw him on the fucking street! I'm at his job right now."

"Job?"

"He's an analyst, Vik. He's got a job- a life here. He's doing okay."

"I'm in shock. I can't even believe- How does he look?"

"Like the day he left. He's stunning and sweet and- the same old Stellan."

"... Did you tell him about Royce?"

"No, we haven't even brought up- anything like that."

"Are you going to?"

"I don't know."

"Have you been in public? Has paparazzi been after you?"

"No, nothing."

"Good. Oh my gosh, are you going to see him again while you're there?"

"I'm waiting to go somewhere with him now." I bite my lip, barely unable to contain my glee.

"Honey, just- please be careful... You've been hurt over him for over a year. It's had an impact on you and he- he lives there now. Because he's doing okay on his own doesn't mean- that he can be with you."

I stare at the ground. "... I just- feel like this was meant to be, right?"

"No doubt about it."

I close my eyes, nodding. "It's still there for me- the attraction... I'm still- crazy about him, Viktor."

"Iris."

My eyes pop open at the sound of Stellan's low whisper. Tense, I turn and find him standing in the doorway.

"Iris?"

"I-I'm gonna call you back."

"Ooh, shit. He heard you!" Viktor exclaims, laughing loudly. "Call me tonight."

"Bye." I remove the phone from my ear, unable to tear my eyes from Stellan's. "I didn't mean for you to hear that..."

"... But I did."

I press my lips together and shrug. "I don't know what to say..."

He shuts the door. "The truth?"

I feel my grip tighten on the phone as I exhale, shaking my head. Shit. "The truth... Well, the truth is- I'm miserable."

His mouth turns down but he doesn't say anything.

"I'm completely fucking miserable- I have been since you left and I know I shouldn't even be saying this to you- because there is nothing we can do but God, I'm still so crazy about you."

He exhales and I begin to get nervous. "Say something."

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

"... Because there is a good chance that I won't be able to control myself from pouring out my fucking feelings to you and I can't do that. I haven't called you- contacted you in a year for that exact reason."

"Just tell me, Stellan."

"It will only hurt us in the long run. This is only going to hurt us."

I move around the desk, reaching up to clasp his neck. "I don't care. I don't."

He looks down at me, his jaw tensed. "Iris-"

"Tell me," I press in a soft whisper. He still hasn't reached out to hold me. I feel his face nuzzle into my hair tenderly. I hear him breathe in, before his hands reach up to clutch my face, pulling my chin up to meet his mouth. He devours my lips like a man in hunger- a man who's been hungry for a long time. It's a push and pull game- something we can't help although we know it's wrong.

"Stop." He pulls back breathless and shakes his head, removing his hands. "I can't."

"Stellan. I love you." He looks at me, his eyes wide. I hurry, knowing I'll lose my courage if I stop now. I have to tell him. I have to. "If I've realized anything in this past year, it's that. I don't care that I barely know you. I know what I feel."

"Don't do this, Iris. You know I can't say it back... I can't be with you."

"But- how- this had to have happened for a reason! We're on another continent. We saw each other again for a reason!"

"I don't doubt we did," he whispers softly. I stare at him frantically, scared. I say the only thing I can.

"I tried to get over you- I tried to see other people. I met a man."

I watch his gaze falter and he presses his lips together disapprovingly.

"Royce... he's kind, smart- he loves me."

"Do you love-"

"No. No, I can't. I don't. He proposed to me- a couple days ago and I couldn't answer him."

He sticks his hands into his pockets. "Well... you should probably say yes."

My mouth shuts as I feel my chest constrict. "What?"

"If he's what you say he is, then you should say yes... Iris, I just made a life for myself here. Seeing you again doesn't change the fact that I'm still hiding from that man... I will say that I don't know why this happened- why we saw-"

I'm crying. I didn't even know it but I feel the droplets falls from my cheeks onto my blouse. "It- doesn't hurt you to think of me with another man?"

"It kills me to think of it, Iris."

I drop my face into my hands and shake my head, unable to understand why I'm being tested like this. Why did I have to see him again? Have to go through his rejection again?

I look up and utter softly, "There's nothing I can say?"

He runs a hand over his face. "I-I'm sorry, Iris."

I pick up my bag off the desk in a hurry and wipe my eyes, nodding. The tears overflow over my fingers and I chuckle darkly, knowing there's no way to conceal that I've been crying from his co-workers.

I force myself to look up from the ground and into his sullen eyes. "I'm- happy you're okay. At least, I know that."

I walk past him, hearing his low, forced whisper of my name but I continue forward, keeping my head towards the ground.

"Iris!" I ignore the voice of Michael and hurry towards the elevators, completely aware of the stares.