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Chapter 9

"Deal. Let's go."

I take his hand with a groan and stare down at my boots. "I can't believe I'm going to do this."

"You're a ridiculously famous model. You've never had to do a shoot on something dangerous?"

"I was getting paid then!"

"I'll pay you," he murmurs, smirking slightly, stepping onto the wood. I gape at him, looking rather forward to it. I step up with him, gasping as I can see the water rushing below our feet.

"This doesn't-" I move forward, feeling the bridge move with us. Jesus Christ. "This doesn't feel safe."

"It wouldn't be open to the public if it weren't, Iris. Here go before me, I'll hold onto you."

I move in front of him and relax slightly as he presses up behind me, settling his hands over mine on the railing. Thankfully, it's a chilly day so not many people are here to witness my panic attack.

We move forward slowly together and it's not long before we're halfway across.

"See? ... It can be good to live once in a while."

I turn my face, stopping in place. My eyes meet his and I nod, letting go of the railing to cup his neck. He bends down, kissing me softly. I sigh into him, completely content in this frigid weather.

I pull back, breathless and realize there are people close behind us. "Oops," I whisper, chuckling when he looks back. With a deep breath, I turn and make my way towards dry, safe land. Settling down onto the dirt myself, I watch him smirk, coming off the wood.

"Don't say a word."

"I wasn't gonna."

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and I reach up, taking his hand. We walk slowly along the edge of the water, quiet. Rivers are such contemplating areas. There's something about them that make you think.

I never behaved like this with Marcus. Or with Darren. They never held me the way Stellan does, they never looked at me the way he does. I feel like I can do anything- like I want to do everything- with him.

But how can I feel like this? I barely know this man. I really just met him.

"Look." I look over at him, leaving my thoughts and follow his gaze towards the river. He's staring at a small store- it reads Boat and Tubing Rentals.

"I'm in if you are." I laugh, pulling him towards it.

...

I lean back, basking in the sunlight. The cloud cover today is vast, thankfully, so I don't have to worry about sunburn. I have a shoot on Monday.

"I love this," I murmur, opening my eyes as if it were hard. I find him staring at me, his expression rather hard to read.

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

I nod. "Sure."

"You've been modeling for a long time?"

"Yeah, since I was seventeen."

"How did it happen?"

"Uh, I lived in Brooklyn. Actually around the corner from the laundry mat."

"... Is that why you go all the time?"

"Yeah, I find it surprisingly calming. It reminds me of the place I used to live- the orphanage."

"You liked living there?"

"As much as someone could, I guess. The owner, her name was Louise; she cared for every person like family. I lived with about ten other children."

"And your family- you said they left you when you were a baby. But you also said- that they died..."

My stomach churns as I realize I have to lie. "Yes. I found out about it after I was working at Vogue."

"Vogue? So that was your start?"

"Yeah, yeah, it was. A man- he saw me on the street, heading back from the grocery store. He was fashionable and wonderfully dressed. He told me I had potential and that he had connections."

"Wow, nice guy, then."

I purse my lips, shaking my head. "No. Not so nice in the end, actually... Um, sometime after my first modeling gig- a cover shot for Vogue, he- he approached me and told me I owed him. That he got me to where I was- said I was going to be huge- as long as I slept with him."

"Did you?"

"Yes, I did. Once. I had nothing. He could take away everything in one moment- he had told me that- and I was scared. When he tried again, I refused. He blew up on me, called me an ungrateful brat and told me my modeling career was over."

I feel Stellan's hand rest over mine, entwining our fingers. I smile slightly and shrug.

"It wasn't. The Vogue shot was enough. I worked really hard and went through some difficult times but here I am. And while he was a terrible human being- he gave me my start in this business. It's a cruel one but really satisfying."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that," he whispers, pressing his lips to my shoulder.

"It's funny- I've never actually told anyone that before." I turn to my side and run my fingers through his wind-blown hair. "But now, maybe you can see why I could never judge you for- for what you did?"

"Yes, I can see now... Even though you're still completely crazy."

"Yeah, I am."

"But I'm grateful... Really grateful- even if this doesn't work out, okay?"

"It will work out, Stellan. I can promise you that."

"Don't promise anything, Iris," he murmurs softly, shaking his head. I stare at him, unable to comprehend what it must feel like to not trust anyone.

"Ste-"

He clutches my face with one hand, rubbing his thumb softly over my bottom lip. His eyes squint slightly as he shakes his head. "No promises."