Whatever It Takes

Was

Whatever It Takes

6

LAUREN

A coward, and a slut. That's what I am according to Mr. Shawn Mendes. I've been called a thousand things my whole life. There were the good ones, like a good daughter, the best sister, the greatest best friend ever. There were the unbelievable ones like beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, breathtaking. Nowadays, or ever since I've left the band, I was a snake, an asshole, group destroyer, dreams crusher, coward, and my personal favorite, slut. Oh, and don't forget, murderer. That's my personal favorite if you ask me. How will I not believe them? All of these are true.

I was a good sister once upon a time. Chris and I had this special bond, even before Taylor came into the world. It was me and him against the parents, grandparents, cousins, and most especially, the world. It was him and me, every playtime, every time we would go to the park, and every time we would sleep. I would protect him, and he would protect me, sometimes. And then Taylor came in the picture, and we'd protect her at all costs. It was still me and him, but I had this bond with Taylor too. When we got older, parties were really rampant during High School. I would sometimes just stay at home with my friends, and I would let Chris go to the parties, but I would cover for him. I'd sometimes tell my parents to drink their night away and have a date night, so they wouldn't catch Chris drunk in the middle of the night. They'd pass out in bed before Chris comes in wasted, so it's good right? Chris would do the same for me, and I kinda owed him a lot since I partied too much and stuff, but yeah, he knows I am always thankful for him. I hope he knows it.

Taylor. Taylor and I had this special sister vibe. We fought, but not as much as they expected. I could say she's more mature that me when it comes to advices. I mean, when I was 15, I was having boy trouble, and Taylor would just hug me and tell me, "Lolo, he's just a stupid boy. He's a dick with a small dick. You don't deserve him." My sister would say that, even though she knows she would get in trouble when our parents hear us, but she says it to make me feel better. She was smarter than me in so many things. She was smart enough to tell me not to drink too much, and use protection that one night back home, and look what happened right?

I was a good daughter back in the day. I'd listen to my parents, treated them with respect, but I talked to them like their one of my friends. We have great communication, because they listen when we need to be heard, so we do the same to them. They respected us as individuals, so we respected them, it was that simple. They were cool, so it made things light and fun in our house. They sacrificed a lot for us, especially with our education, that's why we made sure we had scholarships to support them. It was the least we could do. When I started getting paid, I made sure I gave back. I gave them little things like watches, purses, guitars, car parts, trips around the US, but I also gave them big gifts, like trips around the world, cars, freaking motorcycles. I just feel guilty for not being able to spend important events with them, 'cos most of the time, I was out doing the things that I love. I tried to be the best sister, and a daughter, but right now, I am far from what they want in life. They hate me.

I am a coward. When I discovered I was pregnant, I packed a bag, and just left, not even saying a word, or leaving a letter. I just left, bought a ticket and flew to the Bahamas. I was actually planning on going somewhere more remote, but I didn't want to have a hard time raising a child.

A week before I left, we were backstage at Madison Square Garden for the Jingle Ball.

DECEMBER 2015, NYC

Mani grabbed everyone of us, as she put all our hands together, holding it in between our bodies.

"What are you doing, Normani?" I asked her irritably as she looked at me sadly.