The Diary of Abrianne Queen

May 3, 2016

I AM NOT BULIMIC

Bulimia Nervosa – An emotional disorder involving doubts of self image and an obsessive desire to lose weight, in which bouts of extreme over eating are followed by depression, and self induced vomiting, purging, or fasting. Also called, BINGE PURGE SYNDROME.

Had I known that Bulimia Nervosa was when one over eats, followed by throwing up, I wouldn't have chose that as my name.

Turns out, I simply have a slight case of Purging Disorder.

In layman's terms, I throw up everything I eat, without over eating.

Okay, not everything.

A girl could only wish.

I throw up everything apart from breakfast, and liquid beverages.

Is there a solid one?

Yep. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, but I was lazy.

Who wants to exercise anyways?

Not this girl, that's for sure.

But I should tell you;          I am terrified.

Did you know that forceful purging can cause you to temporarily lose your voice?

Your cheeks will grow puffy, completely disregarding the fact that you did this to look skinnier.

Your hands and feet swell up like a pregnant lady out for a walk.

Your knuckles and finger pads can become calloused—from forcing it down your throat to help the purging process.

Your heart can fail on you.

You can gain more weight than what you started out with.

Your teeth will rot from the stomach acids you're throwing up.

You can rupture your stomach, and esophagus.

Did you know that purging after you eat doesn't help at all?

Yeah, what a shocker. I mean, couldn't someone have told me sooner?

Apparently, purging only gets rid of 50% of the calories you take in—at the most anyway, and even then, it's rare. Our body absorbs calories the moment the food enters out mouth. Shocker, I know. Not.

Sort of.

Read this article:

Purging does NOT prevent weight gain
Purging isn't effective at getting rid of calories, which is why most people suffering with bulimia end up gaining weight over time. Vomiting immediately after eating will only eliminate 50% of the calories consumed at best—and usually much less. This is because calorie absorption begins the moment you put food in the mouth. Laxatives and diuretics are even less effective. Laxatives get rid of only 10% of the calories eaten, and diuretics do nothing at all. You may weigh less after taking them, but that lower number on the scale is due to water loss, not true weight loss.

Who would've guessed that my efforts would only be thwarted just as soon as I started to do something? Yeah, I know it's not the best action to take, but I will admit it.

Conclusion: Wouldn't it just be better to be anorexic?

So I guess that's really what I wanted to share at this point.

I AM NOT BULIMIC

I SIMPLY HAVE A SLIGHT CASE OF PURGING DISORDER...

and low self esteem...

...and a poor body image...

...and I guess I'm a slight pessimist...

...and an attention seeker...

...and I know if I don't stop here, you'd all want to kill me before I manage to do it myself.

I really needed to get all that shit off my chest. Hope you don't judge me too much.

Love you, and don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Sweet purging 💋