The Best Matesprit - Eridan x Blind!Charmander

Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, before you read this story I'd like to say this entire ship stemmed from a weird dream I had. And the cover was purposely crappy and yes, I will actually try and write this.

Also, I will not be doing the quirks unless it's in chats

A troll, dressed rather flamboyantly, walked down the street with an annoyed look plastered on his face. He groaned as he looked at happy couples and even worse, he saw his flushed crush making out with someone he absolutely despised. Someone he hated much more than land-dwellers, which he absolutely hated more than anything. He turned around, attempting to avoid their gaze.

This troll was named Eridan Ampora. He was pretty hated even though he was high-class. He was racist, rude and pretty disrespectful. He also had an overpowering genocidal complex which makes him even better. With that horrible mix of personality, he was constantly insulted and he was lonely. He used to have two quadrants filled but he was dumped. In general, his life was an absolute train wreck.

The hipster looked around, trying to find something fun to do that didn't involve reading WW2 books or attempting to eradicate land dwellers. He looked up at a flashing sign which was advertising some movies such as Harry Potter 8 (which he was planning on watching) and some rom-con which he hoped to invite a friend to watch with him. He was still getting used to the whole 'moving to a new planet and having other species that weren't normal to him' thing and also the whole 'killing is frowned upon' thing. That one just screwed up his genocidal plans.

He was still walking, gazing at the moon. Thoughts of murder, romance and wizards went thru his head as he looked around. Eridan spotted this weird ogre thing selling ice cream at a stand. He was pretty sure it was Shrek who apparentally was his lusus in some alternate universe. He was still disgusted that he had that thing instead of seahorse-dad.

The sea-dweller walked over, lifting the bottom of his cape over the branches and such so they wouldn't get caught on it. He did not want his cape to rip as it was the only thing he had that would truly be with him forever, along with his scarf. The hipster grabbed some money out of his package and put it on the counter of the stand with the words 'Shrekrific Ice Cream' plastered across the side and a weird picture of this Shrek with cotton candy in his hand.

"So weird disgustin' ogre creature, what can I get?" Eridan asked, twirling a 5-dollar bill between his fingers.

"This 'weird disgustin' ogre creature' is named Shrek not whatever the dank you just said, you cringe-lord! My dank memes are too dank for like of you, you piece of hipster trash! Just look at the menu, you Donald Trump supporter!" The ogre exclaimed, impersonating Eridan's accent.

"First off, don't you fuckin' dare insult my gog-damned accent! Secondly, I'm sorry I couldn't read your stupid ass sign since it was plastered with pictures of your dumb face which made it an eyesore!" The hipster spat, even more annoyed. "And if you dare call me a Donald Trump supporter I'll build a wall on your ass!" He crossed his arms and looked at the menu. It truly was an eyesore as it was covered in Shrek's face and some of Jacob Saggytit's as well.

Eridan was extremely disapointed at the lack of flavors and how they didn't have any berry flavors or in general anything with any shade or tint of violet.

"I'll take that one stupid 'Nutella Tumblr Aesthetic Popsicle a Fun'... Gog that name is so long but at least it isn't mainstream or some shit like that." He handed Shrek his 5$ bill and leaned on the cart. After about 10 seconds of waiting he said in an impatient tone "Ok, can I have my fuckin' ice cream and change!? I'm tired of waitin' on your saggy ass."

Shrek handed him his ice cream and change and then said "Sir, me getting your worthless hipster ice cream didn't even take a full minute. Now shut up! All you are is a troll and I would be insulting you but they say to never feed the trolls and that would be undank of me."

"I'm complainin' to your manager for this shit! Bein' racist just 'cause I'm a different species! You know what? Fuck you! Fuck your mom! And fuck a couch you bulge-suckin' bucket hoarder!" He angrily walked away and found himself at a bench. There he saw a small, orange creature. It had a tail which seemingly was on fire. Eridan awakwardly schooched away from the weird creature, scared he would be burned alive. He licked his ice cream, looking at the creature from the corner of his eyes. He hadn't seen anything like that before.

The creature which was a charmander, was hopping and dancing and spinning around on the bench. This charmander was a special charmander who could actually speak. However, their speaking came with a price. This charmander was blind. If it could speak, then it had to be blind. It couldn't have one without the other.

The charmander carelessly danced around and the tip of it's tail accidentally grazed the hipster's cape,

"Holy fuckity fuck I'm on fire oh my gog not my child!" The hipster yelled, jumping around and attempting to get the fire off his precious cape.

"O-Oh my! Did I do something!? Sir I'm so sorry! I'll get water!" The charmander exclaimed, sniffing to smell fire and burning cloth. They tried running over to the pond to grab a bucket of water but tripped on some sticks. The charmander stood up and then reached for the bucket of water with it's stubby arms. It then quickly ran over to the burning man, pouring the water on them.

"Ok first off, whatever the fuck you are, you screwed up my cape aka my best friend! You don't do that shit! Secondly, where the fuck did you get that sex machine from and why did you use such a lewd thing to put the fire out!?" The angered troll yelled, soaked. Charmander was pretty confused, whoever she met smelled like fish and hipster. Charmander was weird as they could kind of loosely smell what someone looked like. However, half the time their vision was totally off.

"Huh..? Lewd? I have no idea what you are going on about, Mr. Weird Accent, but um sorry?" The charmander was confused.

"Don't call me 'Mr. Weird Accent', you little brat! My name is Eridan fuckin' Ampora and you better put that high-blooded name in your pea-sized brain!" The troll said, hugging his cape.

"Ok Mr. Ampora, I'm sorry for calling you that and for lighting you on fire! I'm just kinda well um blind... But sorry for the trouble! Is there anyway I could make it up to you?" The charmander asked, attempting to act more kind than they actually were.

"Hmmmm... How 'bout we maybe date..? Ok I'm kiddin', I'd never stoop so low to date the likes a you." The hipster said. "I can't really think of anythin' right now, so instead maybe we could exchange Trollian handles or whatever so I can contact you when I make you do somethin' for me."

"Oh ok! Mine is emberMonstrosity! Unoriginal, I know but it's probably better then your um-" the charmander walked and sniffed him. "Your fishy name... Seriously though, you should take a shower you smell like fish."

"Mine's caliginousAquarium and I smell like god-damned fish since I'm half-fish can you not see my f- oh wait your pathetic ass is blind. Oh well I'm done with your shit so bye you lame ass creature." And with that, the hipster walked away from the charmander and went into the sunse- I mean he just walked on home.