mY bRAiN iS eXPeRIENcINg tEChNiCAl diFFiCulTies pLEasE StAnd By

1o1 of the World's Funniest One Liners

1o1 funny sayings!!!

1: Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

2: Borrow money from a pessimist-they don't expect it back.

3: time is what keeps things from happening all at once.

4:Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

5:I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

6:Never answer an anonymous letter.

7:It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.

8:I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

9:Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.

10: Few women admit their age; few men act it.

11:If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?

12: No one is listening until you make a mistake.

13:Give me abiguity or give me something else.

14:We have enough youth. How about a fountain of “Smart”?

15: He who laughs last thinks slowest.

16: Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

17: Always rember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

18:Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

19: There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

20: Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

21: Nuke the whales.

22: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

23: Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

24: Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

25: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

26: As long as there are test, there will be prayer in public schools.

27: Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

28: Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

29: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

30: You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

31:I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

32: Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

33:We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

34: 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

35: Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

36: If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

37: I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

38: Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.

39:My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.

40: Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool

41:On the other hand, you have different fingers.