Moonmount Castle - LGBT, manXman - ON HOLD

23

Lodareth

Coda was looking at me expectantly.

Cassius, too, was waiting for me to speak, looking faintly bewildered by my expression.

"It's just..." I struggled to find the right words.

Cassius, sensing the conversation could be about to turn personal, rose quickly from the table.

"I'll check the horses in the pasture have enough hay for the night."

Coda barely seemed to notice him leaving; his eyes were firmly fixed upon my face, demanded an answer.

"It used to be everything to me, becoming Lord of Moonmount." I said finally.

"But now?" He prompted.

"But now, it's a constant reminder of you. You're everywhere I go."

I hesitated.

"I remember my father saying, a few weeks after my mother died, that he could still feel her in the castle. In his memories, she was everywhere."

"But he's living in the castle still, and now with a new wife. He's been able to move past your mother."

"He had no choice. Mother died, and she couldn't ever come back to him. He had to move past her death. You..." I reached out to cup his face in my hand. "You're still here. I can see you, and smell you, and touch you, and kiss you."

I leant forwards and pressed my lips to his before he could respond.

His lips moved against mine, as easily as though we'd done this only a few moments ago, not several months.

When he finally drew back, there was a sad smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, Lodareth. I didn't realise this was so hard for you."

"This has been different for you." I said bitterly. "You journeyed for a long time, and you've had a new home to look after. You've been kept busy... I've had nothing to do all day except ride, hunt, and pine over you."

I rose from the table and started pacing around the cooking pit.

Coda watched me for a moment, before he too stood, and came to stand before me.

"I don't know what to do." He confessed. "I have no idea how we can make this easier."

"I don't want it to be easier." I protested. "If it gets easier, it means... It means I'm starting to forget you."

"Could you ever really forget me?"

"No." I answered at once.

"Nor I you. But just because it gets easier for you to live without me, it doesn't mean you're forgetting me."

I sighed and moved closer to him, wrapping my arms about his waist, and resting my forehead on his shoulder.

"I never thought this would happen." I murmured.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I never thought I'd fall in love. I keep myself away from the other nobles, and the servants I never really noticed before you. I was friendly with some of them, but never anything more. You changed everything."

"Why did I change everything?" He asked, looking surprised by his own question.

"What...?" I frowned at him.

"I just... don't understand why you wanted me in the first place." He admitted. "I'm just a servant. You could have your pick of any Lady in the land, but you wanted me."