I Prefer The Drummer (Book 2 // Joshler)

Part Six

Tyler can't think, he's got the picture of Derek's small tomb engraved in his memory. He was 10 when that happened, he shouldn't be recalling this kind of horror at such a young age. His bones were held together by his nightmares and his fright. At least his suffering was over.

Then Josh knocks something over, the thud snapping Tyler back to his unrealistic situation. The pill bottle rolls over by Tyler's feet and Tyler gasps as he catches sight of the name printed onto the label: Joshua Dun.

Before Josh could protest, Tyler's fingers are gripping tightly around the bottle, then he's reading the label.

"Tyler, I-I can explain."

Tyler looks up at Josh, waiting for his explanation. It better be a damn good one. "Since when?"

"Just over a week..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to think I'm weak...it's just, ever since the accident with Thomas and shit, it's been really hard. The doctor says I have PTSD."

Tyler looks at him, he's hurt. How could Josh think, for even one second, that he'd find him weak? After everything they'd been through, Tyler found this almost disrespectful.

"You lied to me. Again."

"Tyler, it's not like that, I swear."

"Than what is it like, Josh? Huh? Cause right now, it sure as hell looks like you're lying to me, going behind my back once again. I'm done with you trying to protect me."

Tyler is on his feet and walking back to his room, Josh follows him quickly.

"Tyler."

"Get dressed."

"Wait, why?"

"We're going to talk to your doctor about your meds, I've had those before. When the dosage isn't right, it has really violent and impulsive side effects."

Josh walks towards his closet, pulling out some black jeans and a t-shirt then turns to Tyler.

"Here."

Josh gently places a bandage on Tyler's cut and leans in to kiss him, but the boy pulls away. Instead, he turns around and heads to the door to put on his vans.

Why, Josh, why? Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to ruin everything? Why?

***

They just left the office and Josh is quiet beside Tyler on the ride back. They're on the bus, Josh is gripping his knee, trying to fight the urge to reach for Tyler's hand. It's killing him because he's never loved someone like he loves Tyler. He needs him.

The doctor changed his dose to 50mg and if that's still too strong than to bring it down as low as 25mg. Josh is relieved, there was a reason he got so violent. But that's still no excuse; Josh will never forgive himself for laying a hand on Tyler in a way that wasn't sweet and loving.

When they get off the bus, they walk back to their apartment, hopefully, the silent treatment will end. Though, it reminds Josh of that one time their tour bus broke down near a forest. They ended playing hide-and-seek and Tyler was silent in the trees; he's surprisingly good at hide-and-seek.

When they walk in, Josh can't take it anymore. He's in so much pain, his quiet suffering brings him to run to their room where he shuts the door, the lights and strips himself of his clothes, hiding under the covers. He's crying into his pillow, begging for sleep to take him away. Won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye?

The door opens a little, it's now quarter pass-seven and Tyler walks in the room. He looks down at Josh, he can hear him silently weeping into his pillow.

Tyler can't take it, he throws himself onto and bed and pulls the cover from over Josh's head, his red hair making an appearance against the chocolate brown covers. Tyler pulls Josh up and grips him so tight, tighter than he's ever done before.

"I can't lose you, I'm so sorry, please be okay. I'm sorry, I love you and I got scared. Sacred that you weren't telling me stuff because you wanted to leave me and this last week you've been acting so strange I was sure you were gonna break up with me. I'm so sorry, Josh. I love you so much, please don't leave, I need yo-"

Josh shuts him up with a kiss. He's rambling and he's adorable and Josh has fallen so damn hard for this boy, but right now he just needs to feel his lips on his.

"Tyler," Josh whispers as he pulls back, wiping the tears off his face. "I will never leave you. I love you so much and you mean everything to me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I was just so terrified and I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to be good enough for you."

"Joshua William Dun, you're so fricking perfect in every single way, to me especially."

They're sealing their words with a kiss and Josh is gripping at Tyler's hips, pulling him into his lap. Tyler wraps his legs around Josh's hips, as Josh's fingers tease the hem of Tyler's shirt, trying to tug it off. They break apart for a second, the longest second, but just enough time for Tyler to pull his shirt over his head, tossing it in a corner of their room. Josh's lips are on his neck, sucking bruises and marking him as his as he waits, Tyler soon moaning and his eyes are shining brightly because he's missed Josh so much. Josh is feeling good, better than he has in a few months; he's full of energy and they've got all night long.