marriage without choice--Fighting fate. the slow whirlwind of my life

chapter 2 old memories and pain

 "So now that we have settled that we are not going to Morocco, care to explain were we are off to?"

  Mike looked at them with a look of worry and anger before he replied, "Its a 12 hour journey please go take a seat, once I've thought things over I'll come and find you. Damn! I need to think." Mike muttered more to himself trying not to let the situation get to him. 

 Despite the deep frustration Amira felt she managed to stay calm as Adam led the way back to their seats.  For the first time in a long time she had managed to have two panic attacks in one day and she was not planning on making it her third. Amira spaced off remembering two years back.

 Shortly after her mum had left she would have panic attacks and mood swings, even business was beginning to feel like it would crumble for Amira, she had even fired 4 women around that time and since Lena was the one trying to help everyone cope Lena would come check up on Amira or discuss her with Amira's  Secretary.  Shortly after though Lena made her realise that firing 4 women might have been a psychological effect due to the feelings of betrayal swhirling inside her after her mum had left them without even a word of goodbye, at first Amira had rushed at her across the hallway like a mad woman feeling so much anger well up inside  that she felt she would not feel any better until she hit Lena so that way Lena also would at least feel some pain alongside her.

  Looking back now, although her Father had resorted to drinking his pain away he later on got over the pain very quickly as though her mum had never existed a bit like Lena and Danyal  who also did seem upset at first, but not the way it had affected the rest of them; Mariam would stay out of every ones way only coming to meet Amira at her apartment avoiding everyone else, though Amira would get annoyed with her presence since Amira also avoided everyone as it only made it harder to forget yet Mariam's constant presence- were all Mariam would do was cry and mope- would only make Amira cry more, making her feelings of anger grow, but she wouldn't tell her to go, well to be honest at first she did  but Mariam had cried even more begging her  to let her stay saying that she was the only one who really understood; Hannah hid her pain were as Lena made her feel like she was in a consultation room, and she couldn't exactly go to the boys for comfort since she wasn't close to them in that way, Mariam had always found it hard to open up her feelings and when she did it was only ever with their mum.

Or with Lena and Danyal. Rarely.  

And when it came down to it this was the first time she pushed them away.

  That day Amira  finally let Lena in although to begin with she was absolutely furious with her and she definitely got the picture with all the shouting that Amira did  demanding how she could even treat her as one of her patients. Lena's pain at that moment was not that of mum disappearing, but that of seeing them go through such anguish.

That day Lena made her realise that she really had fired those woman because of her anger and hurt, the horror of such a realisation made her sober up from her pain and delusional day dream. The first thing she did was call all four employees and explain her situation to them despite how difficult that was for her, for Amira wanted to hide this news from the world; admitting it would only make it real instead of just a horrible nightmare.

After apologising she had offered them back their job; offered them wages for the days they had remained fired and told them that although she could not take back what she did, she would offer them a family holiday on the company if they wanted it and a bonus gift of cash since she had effected their career even though it was only for a short time.

  After that day Amira was able to find the focus she needed to work on her career and business; at the time putting on a professional front was the only thing that kept Amira'smadness at bay, thinking back to it Amira was a very scary woman in that brief. ugly dark time and she definitely wouldn't want to cross path with herself in such a state for which she had to admire Lena's guts: it was just as well Amira hadn't hurt Lena that day in the hall.

"Well aren't you gonna sit down or are you going to remain there for the rest of the flight?"

Shaking her head to get rid of the daze Amira found herself back at her seat and scowled at the big muscled man before challenging "I'll stay here if I want, what are you going to do drag me and make me sit?"  

Chuckling Adam got out of his seat walking towards her and Javed. "well if you insist, I might just do that"

"Back off little man or you won't know what hit you!"

"Little man...?" But before he could continue the hostess came out, Amy printed out on her name tag, gently shoving Amira forward in the direction of her seat "madam please could you..."

Furious Amira removed Amy's hands off herself. "In case you didn't realise Amy" she spoke drawling out her name  "I'm on here because your damn crew couldn't do there darn job properly, so if I see it fit to run some mayhem on this properly working spaceship I will do so, and don't you worry you'll be hearing from my lawyer and Mr Nasser's lawyer. "

"Mr Nasser? Of Nasser co- operatives...."

Amira felt slightly disturbed by the fact that she was enjoying her fear, after all it was a slight mistake that could happen to any one even though it could have been avoidable if they had checked her tickets and if the two men from earlier had directed her to the correct plane, Amira had asked, left or right.

   No, its what fate had planned for Amira, just at it was her fate to marry a man she didn't want to. Blaming it on her current hysteria she pushed all thoughts and frustrations on this matter away and closed her eyes as she sat down to take a nap, the tractor running fast in her mind was tiring her out and she knew she would need her strength later on.

  It was a while later  before drifting off that she remembered the words: Mr Nasser? Of Nasser co- operatives. . . It was then that Amira realised it wasn't Amy who had repeated those words  but by then she was already asleep.