what hurts the most

CHAPTER 9.

The morning after the new seating arrangement was set, I was welcomed by the usually early comer Ran.

"Nawawala ka ata." He teases as I put my bag on my original seat.

"Ikaw ang nawawala." I answered, slightly giving him an attitude. I don't know why this became my coping mechanism on trying to mask my feelings (until I was in high school), but it got me through awkward situations, so...

The atmosphere was definitely different between us. We were unlike the old us – the loud duo from when we were in 4th and 5th grade. We had nothing to talk about anymore. My only salvation during our cold war was Ian and Roanna who were seated near me.

Despite the painfully awkward silence between us, we never left our seats. He never transferred seats to talk to his group of friends across the room. It was as if we were both hoping someone would finally break the silence, and bring things back to how it used to.

"Crush mo siguro si Ian, ano?" He asked me once, finally breaking the wall of silence.

"Bakit na naman?"

"Eh, sa kaniya ka lagi nakatingin. Siya lagi mong kausap." He answered seriously. That answer shook me for a few seconds, barring me from giving him a collected answer.

I wanted to let him know how much I wanted to talk to him. But it can be impossible to overcome the fear of the unknown, sometimes. And sure, pride worked hard on that bit, too.