Self Destruction // Oliver Sykes

Chapter Ten: I'm Intoxicated By The Lie

Title Credit & Song: A Love Like War by All Time Low (featuring Vic Fuentes)

~Lily~ 

I laid in my bunk, alone. My headphones were plugged in and playing 'The Black Parade' album on blast. Everyone is in either the front lounge or the back lounge... all drinking and having a good time while I'm just... not. I don't know what's been up with me. Every time they tell me they're going out to a club or a bar; I quickly refuse the offer to join them. Nothing seems appealing anymore. It's weird and frustrating because no matter how hard I try to be happy... I can't.  

I don't know why but I've been feeling really sad these past couple of weeks. Plus, I've been really suspicious about Oli and Miranda. He seems to be avoiding her more than usual. He even sent her to go stay in Asking's bus for the rest of the tour which I thought was really weird. We're already two months into the tour.... only five more months until this tour is finally over.  

In the beginning, I was super excited and couldn't wait for this tour to start but now... now, all I want is for this tour to end. It's not that the guys are ignoring me or anything like that. In fact, they're always encouraging me to leave my bunk but.. I never do. It seems like I only have enough energy to do my job as the merch girl and use the bathroom.  

My relationship with Oliver has been growing more tiring and tiring. I love Oliver. I truly do but.... it seems like he doesn't feel the same anymore. It seems like he has a secret that he's not telling me about. Why, though? We tell each other everything. I don't know, maybe he doesn't have a secret and I'm just being paranoid. Yeah, that's probably it.  

~Ben~  

"Is Lily still inside her bunk?" Sam asked Oli as I continued to line the freshly cut cocaine with the razor blade. I swear, we've gone through so many bags of cocaine and we're barely on the sixth week of this tour. Maybe because there's seven other people who want in on the drug? I don't know, all I know is that at the rate we're going; I'm going to have to make a call soon.  

Oli sighed, "Yeah." He answered as he raked his fingers through his hair. The pain in his voice was audible but he's not the only one feeling like shit because of Lily's mood. She never leaves her bunk. The only time I see her out of that bloody place is when she's selling merch or in the bathroom. I don't even see her eat and I'm starting to get really worried about her.  

"Maybe she needs something to wake her up a bit?" Danny grinned, motioning over to the eight lines of cocaine I had just cut up.  

Oli shrugged in response, "Maybe." He mumbled.  

Sighing, I placed the blade down on the table before standing up and walking towards the bunk area. I pulled back Lily's bunk curtain and saw her lying awake in her bunk. Her headphones were plugged in and I could tell she was listening to My Chemical Romance. Seems like MCR and Blink-182 are the only bands she listens to these days. Not that it's bothering me, though.  

Lily looked over at me and forced a smile. "What's up, Ben?" She asked as she took her headphones out of her ear. It hurt me hearing her speak because I can practically hear the pain in her voice. She seems so sad and depressed these past couple of weeks.  

I grabbed Lily's hand and dragged her out of her bunk. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to protest once I dragged her into the front lounge. I sat her down on the floor between James and I before grabbing the tube from Matt's hand and handing it to her.  

Lily looked hesitant at first but ended up grabbing the tube. I watched as she snorted one line of the cocaine before doing the same with two more lines before Danny took the tube away. Curtis chuckled, "Feeling better?" He asked.