Chapter Seven
“why cant you love me?”
the words fell out of my mouth before I had time to stop them. I always managed to say the wrong thing around Cheryl, its like she had some kind of spell over me, one which I couldn’t control.
I felt a tear rolling from my eye and down my cheek as she moved her fingers to catch it, She let her finger wipe my eyes as she bit her lip, thinking up an adequate response that probably wouldn’t break my heart in the process.
I noticed little things like the way she bit her lip when she was stuck for words, or the way she would pull funny faces. I noticed the little things that other people didn’t notice, but then id had more time to notice them than most people.
I’d spent the past seven years noticing the little things that she did that made me love her just that little bit more each day.
For seven years I had actually convinced myself that one day she would suddenly realise that I was here, and that this could work, but the look on her face as she turned to me told me I was probably about to be disappointed.
“I’m married Kimberley” she replied sullenly, as though that was a good answer to my question.
“Ashley is my husband” she went on, as though she was giving me some details that I wasn’t already aware of.
“you’re my best friend” she tried again, searching for the right words and failing.
“but he broke your heart…I’ve never broken your heart” I told her, through my tears. She dropped her hand down to mine which I had resting on my own knee. Tangling her fingers between mine she sighed deeply.
“he made you cry” I carried on, hoping that at some point she would understand me, that she loved someone who could never love her back in the same way.
She looked at me again, her eyes tinged with sadness. “I made you cry…but you still love me don’t you?” she asked gently as she blinked away a tear.
The door creaked open suddenly and Nadine and Beth walked in and stopped suddenly as they seen us.
I looked away, not wanting them to see me cry, although it was a bit late for that. I heard Nadine mutter something to Cheryl before they walked back out of the door and left us alone again in the large mirrored room.
“I know Ashley has done wrong Kimberley, and I know he has broken my heart, but I promised myself I would make this marriage work and I have to try don’t I? I don’t expect you to like him for what he did to me babe, but you have to understand why I’m with him”
“I don’t think that’s something I will ever be able to understand Cheryl, for seven years I’ve watched you date losers and tossers, but none of them have ever treated you like he did, and yet you stay with him…I know I need to stop thinking like that but I cant, I cant stand seeing you getting hurt all the time” I told her, my voice rising with all the emotion I was feeling.
I managed to control my tears and wiped my eyes hoping the waterproof mascara would do its job.
She sighed to me deeply before falling in to silence for a few seconds. I knew she was trying to construct in her head what it was that she wanted to say.
“even if there was anything…between us…its not like anything could ever happen Kimberley. This isn’t you and David from Exeter, this is me and you, its different”
I let her words sink in before I nodded reluctantly. Of course she was right, this wasn’t just a silly little fling I was proposing, one which the papers would get bored of after a day or two. This was something so big that it would blow all of our lives apart, and wreck a few in the process no doubt.
