I’m on the edge waiting to jump. A bottle of pain pills in one hand, a bottle of water in the other. A dinosaur of a phone rest on my knee, one last desperate text sent to one of the few people who can save me. Somewhere inside of me there is a part that is begging, pleading, crying for me not to do this but that part is slowly being choked to death and I’m too tired to fight it anymore. I know I shouldn’t do this, that someone in my miserable existence cares and it will hurt them if I continue on with my plan, and a part of my aches for them but that hurt only joins the rest and the feelings I had for the people who wasted so much of their time on me just fuels the need to do what I thought so hard over. A few pill and a swig of water and I know there is no going back. My phone buzzes and for a moment I ignore it and swallow another pill before flipping it open a reading the text from one of my angels. She called me her sis and told me she loved me, begged me not to do anything. I shake my head and type a reply before swallowing another pill. The others have no idea or don’t want to see the truth and that what lead me to this point. I lost the weight by not eating hoping to somehow heal my heart if anything it made it worse. A flashing light has my flipping my phone open and reading the text while I swallow two more pills. The text begs me to tell her how many I’ve taken and not to take anymore, I type seven and close my phone holding it to my chest next to my heart. Seven little pills, not a lot but once I finish the bottle the desired effect will take place, not bad for my first and hopefully last suicide attempt. But something makes me stop, something makes me think. I don’t want to lose my angels. I reach two fingers down as far as they will go in my throat, gagging and cringing as the taste of bile rises up with the seven pills and the pizza I had for dinner. I follow one of my angels advice and drink a glass of water hopping to fall asleep long enough I will be able to take on the day. Someone saved me I only hope they are there the next time.
