The Asylum (Editing in Progress)

XVII

Three days later, I was packing up my things. It wasn't much; just some drawings and pictures from over the years, and the two nicked milk crates of records. I didn't really have clothes, because the clothes I wore when I was admitted fit me when I was twelve but I seriously doubt they'll fit me when I turn eighteen tomorrow, and get released. So I wore a pair of asylum sweats and a plain white undershirt. I grabbed my records and my pictures and drawings and put them into a pack provided by the institute. That was all I had. I looked around my room to get a glimpse of what I was leaving behind. A rickety and whiny spring bed, a plain desk and chair, a plain white dresser, and memories. I spent the first few months in this room pounding my fists against the floor, screaming that they got something wrong. That I didn't belong here. I was a scared little kid. And in some ways, I still am. I don't know anything about the outside world anymore. All I know is inside the walls I'm about to leave.
But there were good memories, too. Especially within these past few months with Esther. We danced and sang and laughed and talked in this room.
I decided it was getting late, and there wasn't really that much packing to do, so I laid down on my barren bed and dozed off into a darkness that showed my most personal desires and thoughts; I was encapsulated in a blissful sleep, interrupted by night terrors.
I snapped up in bed, breathing heavily and covered in a cold sheen of sweat. My heartbeat began to slow as I looked around the room. I could see the moon, high and menacing, yet placating, in the sky. The moon was always a character in my story. The man in the moon was my guardian, watching over me as I slept.
I lay back into bed, trying to remember what shocked me out of sleep, but it was like holding sand in a sift. The more I thought about it, the more it slipped away from my consciousness. I could only remember the feeling it gave me; utter terror, severe longing, and guilt.
I close my eyes once more and drift off again, not to wake up until morning.