Callie and Brandon: A Love Above Family

Chapter 20: Brandon

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Callie turned off the road and pulled into a parking lot. Next to it was a children's playground with some wooden swing sets and behind that was a large park. It was beautiful and looked really peaceful at this time in the morning. Callie got out and gestured to Brandon that he should follow. Brandon saw Callie select one of the swings and gently push herself off, so that she was swinging ever so gently. He followed suit and they spent a few minutes just swinging in silence. This was Callie's talk, and Brandon wasn't going to start it.

'I took this class once in college called 'public speaking'. I thought it sounded right up my ally and it was. We had classes on famous speakers, emotional empathy, telling good stories, relating to the audience. I was doing pretty well on the course. I guess Fost & Found has given me plenty of practice. It was going really well actually, right up until the end. In the the final class, we had to give this talk. It was supposed to be about the one person who inspired you most in the world. Most of the class spoke about famous people - Hillary Clinton or Beyonce. A little bit cliche really. I really struggled to write that speech, I thought long and hard about who inspired me the most. Rita was pretty high on my list, as were our moms but at the back of my head I knew there was one person who inspired me the most, who always encouraged me to strive for what I thought I couldn't do. The person that didn't always tell me what I wanted to hear. The person that made me believe I could do anything but it was the one person I couldn't speak about. It got me all twisted up inside, I couldn't tell anyone because no-one would understand. I couldn't tell Logan, and we got into a massive fight about it. I ended up choosing Rita, as she was my second choice but I could never shake the feeling that I'd done a disservice to myself. And I guess what I wanted to say was I'm sorry Brandon. I'm sorry I didn't choose you in my speech because you were and always have been the person who has inspired me the most. I've wanted to say that for a long time. Before I was afraid it would mean something else but now I realise it doesn't matter what it means. It should still be said, so I wanted to start with that and thank you for inspiring me. Because of you I never stop trying to challenge myself.'

Callie had spoken for 10 minutes straight and Brandon felt like his head had fallen out. What was Callie saying? His heart was trying to find meaning in everything she said. He tried to focus on what his gut was telling him. Callie was actually acknowledging their past and telling him he was still important to her.

'I feel the same way about you Callie. You've always inspired me to try my hardest and go after my dreams. I wouldn't have gotten into the Philharmonic without you. So I guess a thank you is in order as well'. 

At that Callie stopped looking ahead and turned her head towards him. She smiled and his heart melted. This was not going well for his emotionally stability.

'Sorry for dragging you in the middle of the night. My head's just been a bit crazy. I'm not sure if you know but I've been with Logan for the past couple of days. I should've told you I was going but I felt like I just need to go and see him. To sort things out' Callie explained.

'Yeah moms mentioned it. He's going away right? For how long?', Brandon fought to keep it together, this was only right. If they couldn't talk about each other personal lives, than they had no hope of being friends ever. Callie looked away then. He saw her face fall into a frown and instantly felt curious. Was everything okay between her and Logan? And what did sort things out mean?

'To be honest Brandon, we broke up.' Callie didn't look up. They did what? Brandon's thoughts jumped from one thought to the next. What? When? Why? His thoughts split over into words and he asked her the same questions out loud.

She took a few moments to respond, still looking to the ground. Her swinging was almost at a standstill now. She began slowly, as if it to feel out her words before committing them to speech. 

'Yesterday, we ended things yesterday. He left for Europe this morning, and I've been packing up a few of my things. And why? Well I felt like I was being unfair to him. I love him but it's not enough for me. Things has been great but I was started to feel dishonest. I could never really fully commit to him. He is such a great guy, but if I'm honest Brandon, he just wasn't you.'

The word 'you' hit him like a ton of bricks. What on earth did that mean? 'wasn't you' was Callie trying to tell him something. And if she was, how the hell did he feel about it. It was all a bit much, it felt like 5 years ago all of a sudden, with emotions coming up to the surface that he thought he'd buried months ago. This wasn't fair. She couldn't torture him like this. He really needed to get away from these feelings, they were to much for him to cope with. He felt his eyes become wet. What on earth was happening. 

He started walking quickly away from the swings, he didn't want her to see him like this, and he didn't think he could look at her right now. He flew out of the park and started walking in the direction of the trees. Probably not the best idea, but he wasn't really thinking. 

He heard her behind him, he'd obviously surprised her with his quick movements but she was coming after him now. He couldn't deal with this. He made it about half-way across the park before she caught his arm. He stopped. Brandon was caught between his two-selves. The half that wanted to be gone far away from her, and the part that wanted to enclose her in his arms and never let go. So instead he just sank to the ground, pulled his knees in and buried his head in them. The wetness in his eyes became fully fledged and he start to sob. All those years of missing her, of wanting to just talk to her, to be with her and to not feel so alone came back in a rush. He felt her sink down behind him, he felt her wrap her arms around his neck and he felt her head next to his. He heard her whisper words of reassurance in his ears, 'It'll be okay. You're safe. It's okay'.

Brandon didn't know how long they stayed like that but after a while the harsh reality of life came into focus and he realised he was freezing. If he was cold, then Callie must be frozen too. He turned his face to look at her and she looked him directly in the eyes. They were full of concern for him. 'I think we should go sit in the car and warm up a bit, don't you?' he kept his tone light. She nodded in response and they began walking together back the way he'd run before. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. He didn't say anything, He didn't know what to say yet.

The car's engine was almost soundless as it pumped warm air around the car. Heating their two frozen bodies back to life. They were huddle together in the back, trying to warm up. He had his arm around her shoulders, and she was resting her head on her chest. Something they may have done many moons ago. Something that still felt as natural now as it had then.

'I'm sorry' he whispered down to her. He was ashamed of how he'd reacted. Like a little boy. 'Please don't be sorry. I do have a confession though and an apology. I read your emails and I'm sorry I caused you so much pain.' It was Callie's turn to cry now, he felt the wet tears as they soaked through his t-shirt. What a pair they made. 'Please don't cry Callie. It's me who should apologise. I don't know what I was thinking with those emails. Once I started I just couldn't stop, I didn't want to. Any way to be close to you really.' Callie turned to look at him, and he reached up to brush away her tears. He hated to see her cry. He always had. 

'Brandon I love you.'

There they were. The words he had on repeat from long ago. The words he'd given up hope of ever hearing again. 

'I love you too, Callie.'

A/N: It's nearly finished :o Yikes but I think they've got one last hurdle to get through before their chance of happiness is a possibility.