It's Love Disease

ILD2

#ILD2IamJerk

My dorm is small but not too small to be inconvenient for me. It's comfortably small. With single person bed, mini study table, mini cabinet, mini kitchen bar, mini refrigerator and mini bathroom. It's cozy and I love it. I love it small but not when my friends are here like today. My books are enough to stuff my room. But my friends and I, together with my books and my other things are enough for my room to be stuffed like there's no room for any such big movement. It's like a storage room, a messy storage room dahil sa nagkalat na tissue sa aking maliit na sahig.

"Ewan ko, masakit. Sobrang sakit." Umiiyak na sabi ni L. Si L na isa sa aking mga kaibigan. A close friend. One of my closest friends-- We three, me, L and M are the closest friends. They called me N as in "en". El Em En- L M N. Is it coincidence na ang first letters ng aming mga pangalan ay magkakatabi sa English alphabet? Maybe it's fate. Maybe it's just that we make it fate. If we haven't known English Alphabet we can't come up with those names and maybe our names wouldn't be L M and N. Maybe just Leonora, Margie and Nadine. O pwede ring, Leo, Marj, and Nads lang gaya ng tawag saamin ng others. I wonder if hindi Leonora at Margie ang pangalan nila. Can we still be friends like this? O kung hindi sila ang friends ko, ibang tao. What will it be? See, this is fate. Marami naman ang pwede kong maging close friends at sila rin pwedeng hindi ako ang isa sa mga close friend nila. It's just destiny. Maybe part of it is a choice but if it wasn't for destiny to make it convenient for me to have this two as my friends because we take up BS Biology together and their rooms are just adjacent with mine 'cause if not, I wouldn't be friends with them.

Yes, I'm a believer of fate and destiny and things like those. And I'm believer that heartbreak is meant to happen; it's the ache of my so called love disease. It's always there when we love someone. It's a proof that we love. Like what is happening to L now. She's having her heartbreak and I don't even know she's crushing on someone all this time. But knowing her I know her pain is not long lasting.

"Hindi mo sa amin nabanggit itong lalaking to. What's his name? And why are you crying?" Tanong ni M na hindi ko alam kung saan naiirita, sa lalaki nagpa-iyak kay L ba o dahil wala siya sa mood kagaya ko na i-comfort si L? We are tired dahil kakatapos lang ng prelim exams. Hindi ko alam bakit si L may energy pang umiyak.

"I thought he likes me. He said he likes my hair, my smile and the way I talk. He said I'm intelligent and bright and—" L sobs again.

"He said he likes your hair not you. He likes your smile not you. He likes the way you talk not you. And even he tells you all the good things about you it doesn't mean he likes you enough to marry you so why did you give in? And I guess you just like him even he doesn't. So just cry it out. Even it's not appropriate to say this but I assure you, time heals. Time makes you forget. It's proven." Iwan ko kung maganda ba ang sinabi ko. I don't want to sound tired but I want to say I'm tired or that I'm not in the mood to deal with heartbreaks now. I'm dealing with my own issue too, like my writer's block.

But L doesn't feel anything unsaid. Manhid siya sa mga bagay na hindi sinasabi or maybe alam niya pero gusto lang niyang paniwalaan ang gusto niyang paniwalaan. She's naïve, careless and outgoing, irresponsible and happy person. Isa lang to sa minsan nyang pag-iyak sa isang seryosong bagay. She cries often but to those unimportant things but important-to-her things, like when she can't go shopping to buy a brand or when she doesn't look beautiful in her eyes in the mirror (that's when she gets eye bags or pimples... those likes) or when her favorite pink things are broken...

But even if I don't want to deal with her right now, I feel I need too. Ngayon lang nagka-boy problem ito. Si M lang naman yung may boyfriend dito. So she's prone to love disease but not often did she feel hurt. She's responsible and logical and matured enough for things like boyfriend. And I could say no or bad things to her boyfriend Eric. Eric is fiendly, matalino, handsome at mahal niya talaga si M. M is not the type to be a girlfriend but she is now a girlfriend all because of Eric.