October 31st, 2000.
Katie Rodger didn't allow herself to laugh around her mother, especially in the apartment. Her mom always got mad when Katie made loud sounds, which would result in her yelling, which would result in her flinching at her loud voice. The air is choked with fog and perfume in the tiny apartment, alcohol heavy on breath and adults dressed up as someone else, and a small girl with blond hair going around asking for drinks. The apartment has been hastily tidied up, magazines stacked beside the radio, which is reporting the football game between two teams the girl has never heard of. Guests are crammed together and there is little to no room to navigate the way to the balcony for fresh air. Needles and powders are passed hand to hand, most of the guests sitting on the ground, their eyes rolling back in their heads. The door rings and the little girl answers the door, finding a man with bloodshot eyes and two women smiling down at her. "Hi, Katie. Is your mom here?" Katie nods, points to a woman with a serene look on her face, eyes closed and tangled brown hair. Ruffling her hair, the man says, "Thanks, Katie." "No problem, Andy." He hoists her on his shoulders and she has to resist laughing, slapping a hand over her mouth as she glances over at her mother. He grabs a drink off the tray she set down before he lifted her up, downing it quickly. Using the women to support himself, he inches towards the circle of people. The woman on the right has bright red hair and killer red lips like my mom's. Her mouth curls wickedly as she, too, gulps down pale yellow drink (no one will let me have any). She has a nice voice, and her clothes are small
"Hi, sweetie. You're an awfully big girl, aren't you? How old are you?" "Six." "Six! Well, you're a bit on the chubby side for a six year old, aren't ya? Your mom shouldn't be feeding you so much. Tell you what, next weekend, you and my Ellie can play around." The girl almost dared to smile, then nodded, said, "Can I take your coat, Missus?" The inside is soft and silky and the thing itself is so long Katie has to roll back the sleeves several times so she can poke her little hands through them, still dragging on the ground. Katie knows she doesn't really mean it, because she can see the way the woman's mouth hangs open as she looks around the room in awe, vibrant colours everywhere and images lingering in the air.
The woman with killer lips moved her way across the room, scanning it for a minute before going to a man that wasn't Andy. He was fat and bald and didn't look as good as Andy, but she kissed him. He lunged for her lips, lurching slightly. He nearly fell over as he was led by her out of the living room, the door slamming behind them. No one noticed because they're curled up and resting against each other like pills in a bottle. It was several minutes later until the man and the killer lady came back inside, her lipstick mussed and his tie was undone, hanging loosely around his neck. She whispered something in his ear and they got their coats by themselves without saying goodbye to my mom.
Andy was kissing the blonde he had come in with, and my mom had finally noticed that he'd come in. "Hey, Andy, ya bastard? How ya been? Still fucking that brunette? She's good for you." Andy's date slapped him, stumbling out of the apartment in tears. "She's my partner. Not my girlfriend. Stacy. That's 'er name. C'mon. She's my partner, not my wife." "You have a wife?" She said, distraught. Their conversation was drowned out as the radio was turned up. "It's complicated, babe. I'm technically divorced, if it makes it easier for you to sleep at night." He gasped as the muffled sound of flesh on flesh came from the hallway. "I don't even know why I listened to you. I didn't even want to do this. I don't do married guys. Especially not when they're assholes." Their voices grew distant and eventually disappeared as they left the sixplex. The little girl started crying, shaking, as her mother's guests stumbled out, saying they'd had a fantastic time.
"You little bitch, you're no better than your father. Why don't you go live with him, huh?" Her mother shoved tuna down her throat, shouting, "You made them all leave, you're gonna eat all this food and you're gonna like it, you fat bitch. Huh? You like it?" The little girl flailed, choking on the tuna, sobbing as her mother rubs the food on her clothes. Her father was dead, but he wasn't missed. Not by her mother, anyways. She was better before, when she was dating. I think she was with Andy, and that was when she was normal. When she wasn't drinking hardcore. But when he left her, that's when it got worse, downing so much happy juice that she'd lie in her bed like a drowned fish, screaming for her useless daughter to bring her a goddamned sandwich and wincing after as the volume pounds against her eardrums, bullying her brain into submission.
The killer lips lady came in with the fat man, whispering goodbye, planting a kiss on my cheek and saying she'd get me over to her house tomorrow. But now, we were alone. She looked like she was going to yell, but she just sighed. Grabbed her bag, said not to answer the phone or the door for anyone, and to stay inside. And she left, stumbling towards the door. Katie curled up on the couch, munching on some peanuts. "Where are you, dad?" She whispered to herself. Sometimes she could see him. Not his face. She couldn't even really see him, in her dreams. It was like... sensing him. Sensing what kind of person he was, how his face wrinkled as he laughed, how hard he tried to keep his emotions in check.
He was a good person. She knew that people really weren't, but he was good. "Hey, Twizzler. Wake up." Her eyes snapped open, her hands guided by instinct to the light switch, and the phone turned on as she held the button. Her fingers smoked, and the television turned way louder as she dialed a number she didn't know. The smoking stopped, and she managed to fall onto the couch.
The next day, she cleaned up the plates and cups, spraying everything with Febreze and throwing the blankets in the apartment's laundry machine. Katie returned to her room, staring at the blank wall as the minutes ticked by. She really wanted beans.
As she stared at the blank stucco wall, she became increasingly worried waiting for her mother. Another silent day passed, waiting for her mom. Finally brave enough to leave, she called her mom's friend, who came and picked her up. She didn't have red hair anymore, but she still had red lips. "I was wondering if I could, um, get my homework from Ellie. If she's home." Ms. Riley smiled, saying, "Of course, Katie. I'll bring you girls snacks in a bit." Katie started crying when she said that. "Katie, what's wrong?" She tried to swallow her words, but they fell out faster than she could control. "You bring Ellie snacks?" "Yes. Is there something else, Katie?" Katie rubbed her foot on the floor. "My mom hasn't been home in a few days and she left when she was drunk and she took the car and-" "Katie, that's enough. Your mom is fine. She just needs some space, is all. I'll bring you a snack in a bit, alright?" She nodded, got her homework from Ellie, and left.
While Katie was walking back to her house, a police cruiser slowed down, and a nice man with a big thick mustache poked his head out of the window. "Hey, there, little girl. Are you okay?" She nodded her head, standing on the curb awkwardly, swaying from side to side. "Where's your mom?" She shrugged, head down. "Do you want me to drive you home? Where do you live?" Katie stayed where she was, eyes darting around. "I'm not gonna hurt you. You don't even have to come. If you want, I'll let you keep walking and leave you alone. You want me to do that?" She nodded. "Alright. Well, if you need anything, just call me, alright? And who did you say your mom was?" Katie, swayed again. "Ms. Rodger." His face paled. "Is that your mother's maiden name?" "Mmhm." He fumbled with his radio as he called it in, insisting that she come in the car and tell him her address. As he started to tell them what the location was, I said, "Is my mommy a bad person?" His mouth hardened into a bushy line, when there was a sharp bang and his head shot back and blood splattered my backpack, my blonde hair, my pretty little cheeks, too. My mom said nothing, just picked me up and put me on her hip, and strapped me into the back seat of a Prius and drove home. She could feel her want to yell, but she was just too damn tired to care.
That was the last day I saw my mom for a while. The next couple of months are spotty, probably because I slept so much that the days faded and blurred together. She didn't let me out of the apartment, and she hung heavy drapes over the windows, and put locks on them, too. I didn't understand why she did that, or why she felt she needed to. Not back then. Not until one day, a man came to my door and told me that she was a bad person, and I believed him. Yelling at me all the time, drunk all the time. I just didn't know how bad she really was. I knew about the men. Could hear them as she brought them home, when she'd send me off to one of my neighbours. I just didn't know about all the blood, or the bodies, or how she could clean it up in an hour.
