wait on me ; phan

the second

phil

the heart in my chest beats slowly; steadily. going the same speed it has been going for almost four years now. even when they force my jail mates and i to exercise in the courtyard, it still beats the same. its been four years since it raced, beat itself out of my chest. its been four years since i seen dan last. the last time that my heart pulsed quickly before i landed myself here... in jail. before i got registered as a sex offender. all because we loved too early and too much.

now dan is twenty. wow, he must be so handsome now, but i can only imagine. i'm not allowed to have visitors come see me here, or mail sent to me. i haven't seen dan in four years. but how could four years feel like a lifetime?

over the course of four years, walls that surrounded me have faded to tones of blank colors. everything in this building has mellowed out into even shades. even my once ocean colored eyes turned into a sad shade of grey. it's all just silent shades that only hold lifelessness and sadness. but soon i will be discharged into a world of vibrant color. where i'll be able to see the beautiful color of dan's warm brown eyes; instead of the grey pairs that gleam in the prisoners' heads. i'll be able to see the color of the roses i'll buy for dan. soon, i'll be in his arms and my heart will speed up and my eyes will resort to their true color. and that's when i'll know i am going to be okay.