Chapter 2 | After Everything Changed |

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After Everything Changed

{ Kevin in media box }

Thanks for reading;)  


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I spent the next two years moving through a variety of stages — grief, despair, anger and sadness , But I was determined to get stronger, to turn my life around. My boys were only two and three at the time of my separation; if they were going to have a chance of being spared the ill-effects of divorce, they needed a happy mom.

I began seeing a therapist, exercising, and wearing better clothes. I traveled with my boys, figured out my finances, found a lawyer, dated, and then I met someone whom I knew would never lie to me or treat me poorly.

By now, my ex and his mistress-turned-girlfriend were living together, and my kids were spending time with her. She bought them toys and clothes; she vacationed with them. They came home with stories of how she said "booger" with an "ooo" sound instead of the softer "uh." I responded, "That's so funny!"

But inside I hated her. I hated her for laying eyes on my husband in the first place; for not giving a shit if he was married with kids; for keeping him out until 6 a.m.

While I was home, helpless and hysterical; for making me a single mother; for changing the course of my children's lives and breaking our family unit.

I was left to wonder: Was she thinner than me? Prettier? What did she have or know or do that I didn't? I'd avoided meeting her for a million reasons.

How would it feel when I looked her in the eye? Was I strong enough to shake her hand? Would I scream at her? Slap her? Thank her for taking a cheating husband off my hands? 

All I knew was that somehow I needed closure. Then one day, I was in a 40-day personal growth course at my yoga studio, which was like a big group therapy session.

When everybody went around and state what we hoped to accomplish during the course (lose weight, accept themselves, be kinder to a spouse, etc.), I knew what I had to say.

I'd put it off, but the time had come. To truly move forward in my life, to shake off my past like a dog shakes the rain, I needed to meet the woman at the center of it all.

Everyone clapped for me when I was done sharing and I felt like the biggest loser, but after that I had no choice. They were holding me accountable. I had to meet her, and it was truly the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life.


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