Alone Together (Jalex) EDITING

I'm outside the door.

"Jack, you're going to be late for work," Alex whispered in my ear. He had been doing that for the past ten minutes, yet I still couldn't find the strength to get out of bed.

   Our agreement had finished three days ago so he had gone back to his parent's house, much to my discomfort. I couldn't help but worry about what could happen to him. He took that opportunity to drag me to his house because I was supposedly zoning out a lot recently, pretexting that I couldn't be left alone and that this way his dad would have to behave. He knew I couldn't say no to that, even if I didn't want to have someone watching over me.

   I was acting like a child and I was very aware of how stupid it made me seem. Life's obligations just felt too much at the moment. If I had been staying at my apartment, I probably would've locked myself in and turned my phone off. I was having a bad day and my usual train of thought didn't do anything to help at all; always going back to the incident.

   I had my back to Alex, not willing to confront him and possibly see disappointment in his eyes. Since I didn't allow him visual contact, he put his hand on my shoulder, his thumb grazing small circles on my T-shirt.

"You can't escape reality forever Jack. You have to keep in touch with your life and what you love."

    I was aware that my behaviour wasn't the right one, that even if I had lost control once I could regain it and so I didn't have to make such a big deal out of it. But the truth was that it felt so hard to see that I didn't know myself anymore. I had no idea what I could be capable of.

    Alex's mother had tried not to talk to me like I was a child, but I understood very well that I didn't make it any easier for her. It was just that I didn't think anything mattered anymore; not my job, not my bills, not my life.

***

   I didn't think Alex knew that I noticed how he sat next to the door of my room every night. I hadn't mentioned it even though it had been going on for three days already. I just didn't know how to talk about it or what he expected from it. It was obvious that Alex was doing that because he knew I was unstable. He knew that I could break down anytime, but I didn't know why he felt the need to watch over me.

   Rian had asked and in some way forced me to join him and his girlfriend for dinner, so I came home late. The evening was great, she was very nice and loved music as much as Rian did. However, as they were very much in love and expressed it a lot, I felt like a third wheel, awkwardly staring at anything in the room to avoid looking at my boss displays of affection.

    It was 11pm when I entered the Gaskarth's house. There wasn't a single noise in the house and everything was dark, which was unusual. Isobel often watched the TV late in the living room, Alex and I keeping her company. Yet, it wasn't the case tonight and that made me feel uneasy. Even more when I remembered that I didn't receive any text from Alex during my evening out.

    I made my way upstairs, quietly passing Alex's bedroom door. I didn't intend to stop there, but I heard a faded music coming from inside. It was as if he was listening to music with earphones plugged in but the volume was at the maximum. I knew that it wasn't a good sign.

   Sighing, I gently knocked on the door but wasn't surprised when he didn't answer: he couldn't have possibly heard me with music playing so loud in his ears. So I slowly opened the door to see Alex sitting on the floor, holding his head in his hands. Since no light was on, he didn't seem to notice that I had come in.

   Carefully, I went over to him. I didn't want to scare him but I didn't know how to make him realise that I was here. I sat beside him, my shoulder touching his by accident, thing that made him flinch away before tearing his earphones out of his ears. The look of fear in his eyes made me wish I had thought a little bit longer about how to approach him. However, the new bruise on his face just broke my heart.