guardian | phan

6 | Home

Phil and I are walking along the streets of London to his home. It is still drizzling and it's enough for an umbrella, but enough to feel refreshed walking through it. I break free from his arm around me and duck under the umbrella and start walking in the rain.

"Dan, won't you get cold that way?"

"Rain's not bad, it's kinda... calming..." I reply back, and I see Phil laugh a little bit. I return to looking at the gravel.

I take deep breaths in and out as the droplets hit my head and face. Maybe it's like one of those stereotypical cleanings like they do in books, a rebirth. Maybe it is. I keep thinking how I should have done it, it would have been easier for everyone. But the rain makes the thoughts 2% less violent.

"This way, Dan, we're almost here," he motions with his hand. I sure love the way he says my name, he emphasizes the 'a' making my name into two syllables. One time I do like something of myself when someone else is saying it.

It starts raining a bit more, so I join Phil under his umbrella. He smiles at me, and I slightly light my eyes up. He puts his arm back around me. Sure as hell this is awkward, and sure as hell I don't deserve to be near such a great human, but it makes me feel a bit better.

We arrive at his new looking home, the one of bricks and attached to many other identical homes with those black gates and some bushes, even flowers. Each house has some, very well kept. He opens the door and invites me inside, and his mum comes in.

"Hey Phil, how come you were la-" and she looks at me and questions, "who is this?" Surprisingly, she still smiles and said it in a soothing tone. I just met these people today and I've seen them smile at me more than my mom ever has, not counting all her sexual mocking with her drunkard bum friends.

He leans into his mum's ear and whispers a few sentences I can't make out, and she raises her eyebrows lets out an understanding, "ohh, okay, that's great, he can stay in the guest bed. Phil, you can watch over him and just sleep in the other bed tonight. Make yourself at home-" she gives me a look to continue the sentence.

I space out for approximately 5 seconds until I say, "uhh, Dan."

"Right, Daniel, what a beautiful name! You know, Phil's brother Martyn was about to be named Daniel, but Phil's uncle, or my brother, didn't like it. Still, I find it a beautiful name, such a classic romantic!"

I look down at the floor, trying to not be uncomfortable with the lies I'm hearing.

Phil motions up the stairs and he says to his mum, "I'll start making some dinner soon, I can just make-"

"Phil honey, it's alright I'll just make it tonight, just help Dan make himself at home!"

"Thanks mum," he smiles at his mum. He grabs my wrist and an automatic rush of blood occurs. I feel my cheeks slightly turning red, and I'm hoping I'm not showing it. Maybe I should have had my Mexidan tan as I did in the beginning of the school year after working a shit ton.

He jogs up the stairs, pulling me, and I follow. At the top of the stairs, he turns left and the open room is the room. Surprisingly, it's big for a London room. Right when you walk in, the desk is on the left. It has a Charmander and Mewmew figurine, and a pencil holder with a few black pencils. On the right is just a plain wardrobe, likely from Ikea. Right next to it nearing the back is a Pokemon poster of all 151 originals. In the back at two twin beds, with matching covers of two different colors, the one by the window has cool colors and the one by the slanted wall is black and white. The slanted wall bed is hidden since a bookshelf is built above and at the legs of the bed. My favorite painting, Starry Night, is hung above the night stand between the two beds. The night stand just has a lamp and a lion stuffed animal.

Phil then lets go of my wrist and asks, "Which bed do you want for tonight?"

I look at Phil and point to the bed with the black, white and gray checker duvet, and Phil carries my bag and places it on the bed.

"Want to put your clothes in the wardrobe?"

"Well, I thought this is just a one night thing?" I asks. Maybe he's just messing with my mind, like everyone does.

"Well, Danny, you have nowhere else to go, so I guess you're stuck with ole Phil for now," he flashes a small smile as he walks out the door and turns left.

I'm standing in the middle of the room, right on the white rug. I'm looking right where Phil just walked through. Yeah, stuck with Phil. Totally dreadful.

I feel bad, he doesn't deserve me. Nobody does.

Who deserves a mess like me?