halsey

bi-polar disorder

"so.
ever since i was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder i'ts like i've become a bomb in the hands of those i love. "how did you sleep honey?" has turned into, "did you remember to take your lithium this morning?" "what's wrong?" has become, "go take a pill for anxiety. you'll feel better." i even miss hearing "you're a fucking bitch!" because "did you forget your medicine or something?" stings so much worse. everyone looks at me like some kind of monster. like i'm a "nut." like they are afraid to tread on me. god forbid the land mine that is my emotional range suddenly implodes on myself.

i'm fine. i'm fine. i'm fucking fine.

i understand that the person i used to be was collapsing into pieces on the sidewalk with every step i took. i'm sorry for running away to north carolina. i'm sorry for cutting all my hair off. i'm sorry for spending all that money, for cheating on him, for shattering my phone to cease contact with the world.

but i'm not sorry for the beautiful art i've created. the amazing manic nights when the pen was moving faster than my brain. for the tattoos, and the drives to the beach at 3am. for the roadtrips. for karaoke nights in bars i was too young to get into. and for all the spontaneous, amazing, life changing things that were given to me.

so next time you treat my diagnosis like a jail sentence or a curse, remember that it's my fucking head that swings like a revolving door, and it's my choice to do what i want with it. not yours.

im pretty sure this is from one of her journals or something