You will always be alone

Chapter 5

8/29/07
3:01 pm.

Dear all the people who don't understand,

I always get asked why I sit in my room and do absolutely nothing.

What do I say? Nothing, just shrug.

I don't think people really get what happens to people with depression.

There's this rock stuck in their throat, waiting to come out but the person gets so use to it being there. After time, they think it's just normal and move on with their lives, telling nothing to anyone and trying to be happy.

I try so fucking hard to be happy. It never works out.

I remember when I didn't have that rock stuck in my throat, when I was happy. Why can't things go back to the way they were before?

Maybe it's because I'm use to it, having this pain in my heart for a year now. No one sees, no one knows.

My stepdad always is asking me to help out around the house, but whatever I do is either wrong or not going to make me happy.

I might help out if I was at peace with myself, but until then I plan on doing nothing.

I'm a pretty bad friend too. It's Liam's birthday today, I'd go to his party but I don't want him to see my wrists.

He probably hates me now, never going to love me ever again and just leave me like the rest of my 'friends'.

I shouldn't be writing about this, I'm sorry for making you feel like shit. You're beautiful, remember that.

~ xx.