Shade's Paradox

SP - PART 1 Chapter 4 Hope's Nonexistent Present

Part 1, Chapter 4 - Hope's Nonexistent Present
Levi

Sleep. I'm suppose to be sleeping right now, letting my body and mind soak into the darkness. Let me soul be free to let my wildest dreams and wants to flow around me. To relax into the silk sheets and melt into the unknown for some amount of hours.

But all I can hear is her. I can hear her restlessness down here because of how silent the house is. The silence is drowning. Her door is open so her mother can hear her if she really needs her. Moana can probably ignore the sounds of her moving in fear in the terrible dreams but, I can't. I can feel her fear and horror down here. All the way down here I can feel the helplessness.

Moana says it passes and she isn't always this bad. I should just leave it and let it happen. How do you just sleep knowing the pain she is in? Remember the worse days of her life when her body should be relaxed. She's not relaxed but tense and unnerving.

It's driving me insane. Mad hatter, off the walls, bat ass, shit crazy. I can't focus. I am physically unable to lay in the bed so I must pace the room. Praying she clams down, hoping it passes.

"God damn it! It's not passing," I mumble, "It's been almost 15 minutes of her pure hell made from her mind, the darkest pain." That may not seem long but who knows how long it seems to her. It could feel like two minutes or 3 hours. It's terrifying to think of. My body is so tense from my own worrying seeping into my mind. I grip my hair hard, DAMN IT. Frustration is all I feel right now.

I walk over to the stone walls. I place my forehead on the stone to feel the cold. It cools my high temperature, it feels nice. Not enough to ease anything I am feeling, I can still hear her. Irritation pumps through my veins causing me to pull back my arm. Ready to send my knuckles into the wall a noise stops me dead in my tracks.

Her scream.

I turn and bolt for the stairs. I hear it again. I push three stairs at a time making it to the main floor. Again. Pushing my self to the second set of stairs that led to her third floor room. The pain in my body is numb to me. I just have to go faster. I climb the stairs, halfway there. And again. I turn to slam open her door.

I grab her, pulling her onto my lap, "Alana!" I scream, "Please, wake up!"

She pushes against me, fear twists her features, it makes my gut clench. I don't want this for her, "Please!" I cry out.

I feel my eyes prickle with tears, so much pain and fear in her face. She's covered in sweat and another scream erupts from her chest. I feel so helpless, she needs my help and I'm useless.

I shake my head closing me eyes, "Wake up, please. You don't deserve this pain, this fear is consuming. Wake up damn it." My voice loud but yet so weak.

She still fights me as if I am her enemy, "Kitty!" I scream, one last try. Her eye snap open, she sucks in a huge breath of air. Her eyes wide and look around confused and scared. She pushes away from me until she realize who I am.

"Levi..." Her voice weak and cracked.

"Hi." I give a weak smile. She grips me hard and I pull her to my side. She keeps herself pressed against me. She's shaking so bad.

"I thought you hated me." Her face unable to be seen, I can hear the hurt in her voice. She acts as if I could honestly hate her. I hate myself and I'm taking it out in her. It's not fair, I know that.

"You say it as if it's actually true," my words soft as I pet her head. Calming her was my goal right now.

She stutters, "You just-t nev-er answered me earli-er a-and our f-fight. I-I'm sorry Jude." The amount of emotion in her voice shows clear as day that she actually thought I hated her.