Teach Me How to Love You (A Hermione Granger Love Story)

TMHTLY (A Hermione Granger Love Story) ... 12

A/N: [Edited 2/6/2016] This one was completely redone at least three times.

Teach Me How to Love You (A Hermione Granger Love Story)

Chapter 12: It All Comes Crashing

I give Pansy small smile as she grins up at me. Her plum lipstick contrasts with her pearl white teeth beautifully; her wings are perfectly even. She looked like something I would have crossed the street to avoid in London: fierce and ruthless. My gait is slow, slightly hoping for some sort of repercussion to my actions. Pansy returns to her meal as per our deal. She was not to be involved after this point. If Blaise every found out, she would never be trusted again.

Speaking of Blaise: above his head and on the small slice of parchment where the words he should have never trusted onto me.

"I, uh, have something called Narratophilia, which has to do with swear words in an, um, intimate sort of, er, way. Fuck, you better not tell anyone this Granger or I swear—!" faded in and out, but stayed there all the same.

With the flush of his cheeks, Blaise shot up from his seat, finally putting the pieces together. His brown eyes flicked upward, looking straight at the words above him. His wand flung out spell after spell, trying to get the words to disintegrate. The counter spell, however, was never taught to him, causing his struggles to be absolutely pointless.

"What is this, Granger?" The First Years around him scattered, tittering silently as they could.

It's even more personal than my one time girl kiss. This was a secret that Blaise might not even share with his lover when given the chance. I had just given it to the population of Hogwarts. It wasn't like the entire school was going to see it though! It would wear off at the end of the day!

He deserved it though, after he broke—

"You deserve it, Blaise!" I finally say back him, trying to keep a calm composure. There was a mixture of pride and heaviness building in my chest. My face felt both hot and cold, hands nervously at my sides. I try to take a few more steps towards the door. My eyes couldn't seem to meet his desperate ones anymore. I didn't like seeing the betrayal there. I couldn't allow myself to feel guilty over this. I was only returning the favor.

The hall was too quiet; I was too exposed. The tears in the corners shouldn't have burned this much. They shouldn't even exist. He wasn't supposed to know this hurt me too.

I just—I don't what I'm doing anymore; who I even am.

He was swatting at the words above him, pointing at them, staring at me. Cheeks crimson and eyes bright, he stepped forward. Blaise goes very quiet, just looking. His brown eyes blazed, shining embarrassment and ferocity. He was mad at me, but wasn't retaliating. Not in the way I was hoping for; not in the satisfying way I was needing. I needed his reaction to justify my choice to work with Pansy on this.

I need a spell swung, a fact thrown back, anything but this speechless face. Blaise's eyes flickered across the faces in the now dead silent crowd. There weren't many people around us, maybe ten at most.

"I—" My hand goes to my waistband, where my wand is tucked into small sewn in pocket.

"Hermione, please."

My arms hung loose, wand nearly falling out of my hand. Tears finally fall from my eyes. In spite of the waterfall of tears, I whisper, "Muilebal." It tastes like salt as it passes my lips.

The words fizzle into a sudden burst of flames, the pseudo-parchment curling in on itself. They rain down onto Blaise, disappearing before landing in his hair. A stray flicker floats passed his nose, rushing forwards after an exhale of breath. It flies towards me. I stumbled unsteadily as it gets near me, tears overflowing my eyes once more. My breath is watery as I inhale, shrug, and whisper a quiet, "Sorry."

I turn and run.

-

I didn't get as far as I would have liked, only rounding a few corners before settling into an alcove. Our argument would be passed around the castle by the end of the meal. None of the students I crossed paths with had known yet, hadn't know they had glimpsed a crying Hermione Granger and what it meant. I covered my wet face with embarrassingly shaky hands.

Anger boiled under my skin for a moment. He made me so weak. Always left a blubbering mess trying to pick up the pieces of my dignity. I was becoming one of girls I had only seen in the movies: overly emotional and yet always surprised by their heartbreak.

"Oh, my god. I'm a horrible person!" I sobbed quietly to myself.

My hands find their way to my hair and yank it forward into my face. It was an ill-attempt as covering my shame. I lean back into the wall, sliding down it carefully. Small hiccups sounds around mutters of "idiot" and "so stupid."

I was too deeply concentrating on my tears that I failed to notice the brunet standing in front of my alcove.

"Hermione?"

My head snaps up so fast it cracks against the wall behind me. I hiss instantly, clutching at my head gingerly.

"Caden, hi," passes through pain-thinned lips. Seeing him surprises me further still. I hadn't spoken to him since we went out. He's scratching the back of his neck, an action I had come to connect with his nervousness. He's pauses to ask, I quickly say, "I'm fine, just a bump."

"Oh, okay," he responds, a lilt to his voice. He sniffs, rubbing under his nose, not saying anything for a few more minutes. I take that time to stand up.

"So," he finally starts, "you and Blaise Zabini, huh?"

The look in his eyes registers for me: acceptance, heartbreak. The question makes me tear up. I shrug weakly, curling my arms around my stomach protectively. I've never felt so small in my whole life.

A laugh garbles its way out of my throat, "Took me long enough to realize, huh?"

His smile is small, hurt but trying not to let it show. "That's alright."

"There's not anything—I didn't—"

"Hey," Caden interrupts softly, "you don't need to explain it to me. It's fine. Blaise is a pretty okay guy, yeah?"

My head is pounding as hard as my heart. The grip around my waist tights.

"I don't like him." The lie is bitter and sharp.

Caden laughs suddenly at that. He's giving me a knowing look.

"Oh, shut up." I scrub at my tear-crusted cheeks, giggling. The lead in my chest is almost bearable.

"'Mi, tell you what, I'll help you out. I know guys a bit," he scrunches his pointer finger and thumb close together, "better than you. I can help you out."

My shoulders draw close to my ears, hopeful, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

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Love and fireworks,

unique-goddess