It's been two weeks since I've been here. Except for the patients, everything seems the same. The attendant at the reception of the department, the creamy walls, the sets of benches, the cooler, mirror and everything is the same.
"Kiara", somebody calls my name. Somebody who might be suffering more than me, still fighting rather than giving up. We are all fighters here. Fighting with the life.
Even inside Dr. Aruna's room, everything is the same. Same stout chocolate brown table, same patients' chairs, Dr. Aruna is using the same pen, writing in somebody's file.
We all have a file. I have one too. We were never let to see them. Only our doctors know the secrets inside brown paper files.
"Yes Kiara, how are you?", Dr. Aruna asks.
I look at my mother so she takes the hint and answers.
"The medicine which you added last time has been pretty effective. However, the effects faded quicker than anticipated. Also, she prefers that I answer in her place", my mom explains.
"Why, Kiara? Why do you want your mum to answer? How'd I know how you feel then?", she asks.
No answer.
"Have the suicidal thoughts anyhow decreased? You said you feel like using whatever potential weapon near you once you see it, has that increased or decreased question?", Dr. Aruna asks.
" That has decreased. I don't always feel that way now but, I don't want to live either", I answer honestly.
" Why? Why do you want to die?", she asks.
" Because I can't do it", I answer.
" What can't you do?"
" I can't live like this anymore. It's too difficult"
" But the way I see it, you are progressing really good"
" You think so?", I ask with a newborn hope in my heart.
"Yes"
" But, I feel as if none of my efforts are working"
" No, in fact it's good that you are putting efforts and they're working as well. Most of the people don't want to put efforts and even when they put some, they dont work", Dr Aruna says.
I nod in response.
" I am very happy with you", she says with the smile. I feel happy then, upon finding somebody who understands me. I smile in response.
"What do you do all day?" she asks.
"Read and write. I have started studying as well now" I answer. Dr Aruna nods in response.
"I'm increasing the dose of the medicine she takes at night so she won't feel like crying all the time"
"Alright. Thank you", mum says.
"See you after two weeks"
"Thank you ma'am", mum says.
This time when I come out of the room, I don't feel scared of people who are putting much as a second glance on me, I am not afraid of running into somebody I know. I don't feel sorry for myself and that's a big achievement for me.
YOU ARE READING
Chasing Moonlight #savealife
General FictionKiara, a 20 years old girl suddenly starts suffering from panic attacks and depression. She has too many secrets she never shared, too many dark fears she never talked about. She wanted to be dead. This is her story. A story which tells why she chos...
