Playing Guns [ Poetry ]

Pretending

I used to play

pretend

all the time

when I was little.

...

When I learned to walk,

I pretended

I was a cat

so that I could jump

and leap.

And slink around

people's legs

at fancy dinner parties.            

And lie in the garden

and talk to the sun.                         

...

When I learned to read

I pretended

That I was inside the books.

So that I could fly                                

and fight

with but words

and a wand.

And have the sense

to find the Hatter

some decent

decaf tea.

...

When I learned to see

I pretended

I was invisible.

So I could look at you all I wanted

And take your hair

out from behind your ear

and pretend

that it was just

the wind.

So I could pretend all the words,

all the daggers,

were obviously meant for the wall

behind me.

And so that I could sneak

into the biscuit cupboard

whenever

I pleased.

...

When I learned to love

I pretended

That I didn't care

that you didn't even                                                 
like girls' that much.

That it didn't matter

that I couldn't hug you

in public

cause you were scared

about what people  

would think.

That I meant it in a friendly way

when I told you

I loved you.

                                                                
That it didn't fucking hurt

when you said you were in love

with that guy

in our class.
   

That the marks on my wrists

were only 

stupid accidents.

That I tell you the truth

every morning

at school

when you ask me

how I am.

That I

am

fine.

I'm so sorry. 'When I learned to love' - that makes me cringe so much. Ugh. I'm sorry.