A Merman's Tail

Chapter 26

It was a smack in the face.  Having a stranger look at you and then realizing that the stranger was you. I'd been so focused on my pain and my grief I'd stopped caring about myself.  The face looking back at me made it obvious that I was almost at the place where I was past the point of no return.  I looked like a Grandfather, no... I looked like my Grandfather.  How he'd looked right before he'd passed.  Passed away from grief and loss, from the loss of my Grandmother merely two weeks before.  He'd died of a broken heart, and right now I had that same wounded look.  The look of deepest loss that etched itself into a face and changed it forever.

Where my face found a smile the easiest expression, it was all I could do to summon a grimace.  Now my face looked... tired.

If I didn't start to live again, I wouldn't be alive in a matter of days.

If I didn't start to live again...

If I didn't...

If...

Mom's face was so sad.  She didn't say anything negative to me, all she did was make me look at myself while she held me.  "I know you loved him." She said, "But he's gone Sweetie."

A single tear ran down my face.  I thought I had cried myself out a week ago and watching that single drop of moisture run down my face was amazing to me.  My head tipped to the side as I stared fascinated at the jeweled bead until it reached the hair that had sprouted on my face and disappeared.  "Honey..." Mom stroked my hair and held me closer on the bed as I sat there.

Surprisingly, that endearment broke another dam inside my chest and the flood erupted again.  This time it was real tears, tears of grief that ran down my face.  I threw myself into her arms and howled.  "I miss him so much Mom..."  I wailed and she just hugged me and stroked my back as I let it all out. 

"Shhhhhhhhh." She whispered and rocked me as only a Mom can.

I woke up hours later, wrapped in the bed's comforter, a glass of water and two tablets were waiting for me on the bedside table, and like a dutiful son I took them without thinking.  Then I swung my legs over the side of the bed and sat there for a moment until the dizziness stopped.  "Mom?" I croaked and she came quickly into the room.

"Sweetie, can you stand up?" She asked and I tried.

"With some help I think." I said puffing as I tried to stand on my jelly-like legs.

"I've run a bath for you." She said as she helped me to the usually cold room.  But she'd turned on the overhead heater and closed every other window and door into the room, put towels on the floor and set a pile of fluffy towels on the side of the bathtub for me to use after I'd soaked.  Steam rose from the hot water and although there were no scents added to the water, she'd left my favourite bath oil handy in case I wanted to add it.

"Oh, wow." I managed as she helped me to the tub.

"Don't worry about how much time you take Sweetie.  I'm a shout away if you need help getting out."  She assured me before she helped me to sit on the edge of the tub.  "I've got your shaver out, it's been charging while you've been asleep so you can use it when you're out and dry, if you want."  I nodded and then hung my head.

Once she left me, I took off the ratty clothes I'd been in for the last... well I don't know how long I'd been wearing them.  I looked at them as I stripped and shuddered in revulsion.  They were only fit for the rubbish bin and I was suddenly in a hurry to get clean.  I added a couple of drops of lavender to the water and let the steam soak into my lungs.  After steaming for a while I finally grabbed a soft puff and the liquid soap and began to slowly rub it all over my body, as I rubbed my arms and then my legs, I saw how thin I'd become.  My stomach concaved when I leant down to wash my legs and it actually hurt to rub my skin.  I woke up to how close I'd come to death and I decided I wanted to live.  I might never see Mitch again, but I still had the memories.

I called Mom in and she helped me out and into a clean robe before sitting me in front of the mirror again and helping me to comb my hair and shave my face.  After all her ministrations, it was time to get something into my stomach.  It rebelled at the thought of solid food, but Mom had soup, warming and clear with very tiny pieces of vegetable and chicken floating in it.  It was exactly what I needed and although I couldn't eat very much, I could feel it warming me from the inside out.

"Are you going to keep working towards getting better Sweetie?" She asked before I finally kicked her out a week later.

I nodded and hugged her as fiercely as I could.  "Thank you Mom.  I'm going to get well again, promise." 

She nodded reassured and made me promise to call her every day.

"Promise." I crossed my heart and kissed the tips of my fingers.

Then she went and I was alone again.

This time sitting on the side of the bed, it wasn't my Grandfather I saw in the mirror.  It wasn't me yet, but the face staring back at me was no longer a stranger.  I ran my fingers through my scarily long bangs and the sound that came from my throat was kind of a laugh.  I had Mitch bangs, all I needed was to shave the sides of my head and I would have looked like a scary tall, blonde version of him.  I even had the protruding collar bones. 

But that wasn't me.

I took my second walk for the day, a slow stroll down to the beach and along the water's edge.  Getting my strength back slowly was the most frustrating thing about recovering.  I couldn't run, I couldn't lift any weight and I couldn't eat like I used to.  Another month and I'd be back to normal if I kept up the good work, but here and now I was still as weak as a kitten.  I sat down on the banana lounge chair that I left beyond the high tide mark and just looked out at the water.  I knew I wouldn't see Mitch, but that thought didn't terrify me anymore.

I was going to be OK.  Whatever the future, I was going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and get back to my life.  Well, something like the life I had before.  I didn't have a job anymore, too much time off and too much drama.  That was OK, I didn't feel the same things I had felt for the ocean anymore.  I still worried about Mitch's family, but I knew whatever was going on out in the water was nothing I could help with. 

When the wind that blew across my skin cooled later that day, I struggled to my feet again and slowly walked back to the house.  Letting myself inside I went into the lounge and sat in my favourite chair, reaching over to the water glass Mom had left.  There was a note leaning against it and I smiled as I read Mom's words of encouragement.

The Postscript had me frowning though and I looked inside the envelope Mom had left along with her note.  Inside were three red scales.  The message read, 'Found these in the bathtub.  Careful what you bring in from the sea Sweetie, you don't want to have to call a plumber to unblock your drain.'

But I hadn't been in the water in weeks.  Where had they come from?