Luke Hemmings sick fics

Eating Disorder

            **Trigger Warning**

Luke stared at the toilet bowl in front of him, guilt flooding through him as he thought over what he had just done. He had gone to the store, intending to get ingredients for dinner that night, and instead, he had bought various bags of chips, cookies, and sodas. He remembered setting everything down right in front of him and had started in on his latest binge.

However, once he had finished, guilt and shame clouded his mind, which brought him to the next phase. He stuck his middle finger down his throat as far as it would go to engage his gag reflex. Heave after heave, Luke threw up all the junk food he had consumed and slowly started to feel his stomach empty out.

It took about twenty minutes for him to feel like his stomach was empty enough, and he was now only bringing up bile. He was glad that his other bandmates had gone out for the day to enjoy the city they were currently visiting.

Now, Luke was by no means over weight. He was, in fact, within the normal range for his height and age, weighing 158 lbs. However, he had always struggled with body image. Growing up, Luke was deemed as an outcast with only a few close friends here and there. He found comfort in music, but that was about it.

He had gotten into the mindset that if he could lose some of the baby fat that he still had, and had started on a dangerously restricted diet plan. His family and close friends had started to notice that he was losing weight fast, and had confronted him about it.

Not wanting them to find out what he had been doing, he started to eat more, but it just made him feel guilty. One day, after his mother had made him eat a particularly larger meal than normal, Luke had felt so guilty that his anxiety had started to act up. It got so bad that he found himself in the bathroom feeling nauseous, trying to avoid a panic attack. This was the first time that Luke had ever made himself throw up.

After that, it became sort of a habit. In a strange way, Luke had started to enjoy the feeling of making himself throw up. It gave him a sense of control over his life, which is something he didn't have much of with all the photo shoots, interviews, concerts, and constant fan mobbings.

Luke was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't hear his bandmates come back. "Luke, you in here?" Ashton called out as he entered the hotel room Luke hadn't gone out shopping with him and the boys so they had agreed to all go back to Luke's and hang out for a while. Calum and Michael were still talking and set their bags down next to the couch and sat down.

Ashton dropped his bags and wandered into the bedroom to see if Luke could be sleeping. "Luke?" he called out again. He noticed the bathroom door was closed and there was light coming from underneath. This got Ashton worried, so he went over and pushed the door open and saw something he never thought he would ever see in his life.

Luke was brought back to reality when he heard a gasp and looked towards the doorway and saw a surprised Ashton with his hand still on the door handle. The young blonde didn't move as his older bandmate finally let go of the handle and sat next to Luke, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Luke, what happened? W-why would you do this?" The drummer asked, tears falling down his face. He couldn't believe that his bandmate, his brother was hiding something like this from him and the rest of the band. He held the younger boy as he cried.

Finally, Luke got a break from the tears and sat back from Ashton. "I-I don't know, I guess I've never really felt secure in my body and this was just a-a way that I could have come control over my life. It's been hard with all the comments from twitter and all the interviews an magazine articles and it just helped me feel better." He took a few deep breaths before glancing back up at Asthon.

The curly haired boy sighed and reached over and flushed the toilet and carefully helped Luke up, not caring that he was holding his younger friend's vomit-covered hand. "Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? And then we'll go talk to the boys about whats been happening."

Luke just nodded. He washed his hands while Ashton got a towel and cleaned Luke's face off. After a few minutes, Luke felt human enough to leave the bathroom, and together the two boys headed to the living area.

Michael and Calum looked up from their conversation as the two missing boys appeared again. "What took you guys so long? We've been sitting in here for ever looking at all the new hair dye Michael bought today!" Calum exclaimed.

"Yeah, and Calum was making fun of my hair and how I'm going to be bald before I'm thirty!" Michael retorted.

Ashton and Luke looked at each other. "Guys, Luke has something he needs to share with us and it's not gonna be easy for him, but he will have our support. Got it?" Ashton stated. The two boys on the couch nodded and eyed their youngest member, noticing how nervous and anxious he seemed.

"I, uh, I've kinda got into a bad habit. I mean it helps me feel in control and makes me feel better about myself, especially with all the social media blasts recently. I-I've been making myself throw up after I feel like I eat too much, or sometimes I even get extra food so that I can throw it all up later. I know its not good and I know I shouldn't have kept something like that from you all but I d-didn't know h-how to bring it up and I-I'm sorry! P-please don't hate me!" By the end of this the blonde was in tears. Ashton had already gone over and wrapped him in a giant hug. Soon after Michael and Calum had gone over and surrounded Luke with hugs.

"Thanks for telling us Luke. That means a lot that you would trust us with something like this," Calum said. The others nodded in response.

A few minutes passed before Luke's sobbing subsided and the boys broke apart. This time Michael spoke up, "we'll help you through this Lukey, you won't be alone and we'll always be around when you feel like you need to do this again."

Luke looked up at his bandmates and smiled, knowing that he'd have help and support, which made him feel like he could somehow get through this.

** I was maybe thinking of making a part 2 or a relapse or something to this later on, so let me know what you think. Or if you have any prompts or ideas that you want me to do, let me know in the comments! I'd love to hear your input!