Almost Normal

Chapter 24

She chuckles softly and cups my face gently in her hands and smiles, "You've grown so much. You're taller than me now. Oh Armin, you've grown in every way possible. Inside and out."

As she smiles, I shake my head, "Mom, I'm a horrible person. I can't do anything right and-" She quickly shushes me with a look from her eyes. I close my mouth and look at her for guidance.

"I'm not here to talk about your past, Armin. What is done has been done, and nothing can change that, do you understand?" She holds my hand and I stare at her in confusion.

"S-So I did it then, I actually killed myself, so this is the afterlife or heaven?" I bite my lip as I try to look for answers that seem to be slipping out of my hands like grains of sand. Nothing is adding up. I don't feel alive, but yet I don't feel dead either. My mother smiles sympathetically and shakes her head.

"That is up for you to decide. This place is a sort of middle ground for trapped souls, it is not a place for the living, but yet it isn't where the dead reside either. It is a place of nothingness, that only holds light. A choosing state of mind to be more precise. Only souls that are regretting their decision come here because something must've been holding them back. Then that's where people that you've lost come in, and that's why I'm here, to guide you to the place where you want to go."

I shake my head and think of what could be holding me back. Nothing comes to mind, I don't have anything or anybody to live for anymore. I know that it's selfish, but I couldn't take it anymore. When somebody tells you what you've been thinking for so damn long, it's kinda hard not to act on the decision, but I don't regret anything that I've done. My mothers words are simply just not adding up.

"Are you sure that's why I'm here? I-I don't want to live mom, I just want to be with you and dad...and be free from all of my pain." I sniff and feel the tears start to swell in my eyes again. I'm absolutely pathetic. Even after life, I'm still crying over my petty little problems.

My mother quickly wraps me up in a quick hug and rubs my back comfortingly. "I know sweetheart, but you've still got a ways to go, but like I said before, I'm not hear to talk about your past. I'm only here to help you decide what you think is the right path to choose."

I quickly wipe my tears away and compose myself together. This is not the time to be blubbering about my own troubles, if there's a choice to be made, then I need to make the right one because I can't go back, and if the trouble is not being able to die because I'm still holding onto something, then I need to break the bond that I have to it immediately so I can move on.

My mother smiles and starts to walk with me, "Now, there're a few paths that you'll be able to take, but understand this, once you've made your settlement, there's no turning back. Life is life and death is death. It's as simple as that. Now, your first option is to come with your father and me, that is the choice of death, and if you so choose death, we will welcome you with open and loving arms. The second choice is life, whatever seems to be holding you back from death will become your saving grace when you return back from the brink of death, but we will not be able to help you once you go back to the land of the living. You'll become fully conscious and have to deal out your problems on your own. And finally the last option is to stay in this land. The land of the stuck. Souls can be trapped up here for year and years. I think down on Earth, people call it a coma. They are neither living nor are they dead, they're just there. It's a peacefully sad life, but it can be done. Those are your options."

She looks back at me with a serious glance in her eyes. This wasn't a choice I could make on the top of my head. The longer I stood in the land of the stuck, the more I wanted to stay. However, the small piece that felt like it was taken went I entered this strange land, tugged at the bottom of my stomach, almost telling me to leave this place for once and for all, and go back to the living. Although, when I look up at the woman standing in front of me, I can't help the feeling in my heart to hug her tightly and travel with her to my father and the land of the dead. Everything seems to have a justified reason for me to choose that certain path, but it all seemed so sudden and rushed. I need more time.