Nothing seems more hurtful than the feeling of being worthless, it feels like you die inside more an more each day.
the sun no longer shines and the rains violently falls. forcing the striking pain right to your heart, controlled all by your mind though. only because the one thing gets drug under the thought of depression, influenced by a single word or one action. Knowing that one action can end it all.
The blade creates a bloody, painful song. One people may know but others may not but it don't matter because they see the pain in your eyes until you began to hide it all. until it all starts coming back...
that's when it starts to call you back down the dark road you have once known, you try so hard to resist but then again you want to because you can no longer take feeling like this. Yes, I Love him. Yes, he helps me. but this feeling over rules it all and I don't know what it is but it continuously dragging me behind making me feel like I amount to nothing.
I'd only go so far, but somethings push me to the extreme and the feeling I have is the monster next to me in my bed and every morning it continues to yell at me telling me to give up. I fight back as well as I can but I don't know if I can do it anymore.
call me weak, tell me I gave up, that I'm a quitter. maybe but I am my own hero. I saved myself from my own personal live monster. even when I am dead and gone it still hold.
but then one day I looked in the mirror and I didn't see a monster there behind me, then I noticed that I'm the monster; the one who hurts myself and the one who never put me on the top self (let alone the bottom) I threw myself around like I deserved to be kicked down. no one made that choice but me.
When they found me down and hurt, they were to late. I was finally gone and now I watch down on the people who cry and the ones who don't know why, when they are part of it. the ones who don't care and the ones who don't have no where and I feel as I watch down on the one who have no where to go, I watch down on myself. hearing them cry and asking god why... Thinking back, on the life I use to have and the life I use to live. It's gone and I'm the reason why. No one else to blame and now I have to carry that shame right down my living hell path of being dead. They always said be strong an fight everything that's wrong, well once I done that I disappeared. Poof into thin air, the blink of an eye and ever ounce of blood in my body was being fiilled by the water my clothed, cold body was laying in. considering I was as much as this water is nothing, there so much an over abundance was pointless. just like me I am nothing I was not a ordinary type of person ... I have been compared to so many people in my life I'm worth nothing. the people I love walk in and out and that makes me a past mistake... nothing.
Everything I've ever done in my life time was a mistake and if people ever find this when I'm gone then you really know how I felt my whole life time, beacause I know ill take my own life its bound to happen. I hate to think about it, but then again it'll stop the pain I have. considering everything I done was a mistake so was I. I've so many times it kills me because I know its true.
There was once 3 wise people their names are,Ben Moody, Amy Lee, David Hodges. they wrote the most beautiful lyric ever written.
Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
Have you no shame don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled
Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask where will you hide
Can't find yourself lost in your lie
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you have everybody fooled
It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool
*please if you feel like this tell someone because I know what its like and you may not know but people care. our feelings get in the was of us seeing people caring.
