What is wrong with me?
Why do I lie in bed for hours,
Staring at my ceiling crying?
Why do I plague myself
With thoughts of self loathing?
How can others bear to be around me
When I can barely bear to be around myself?
How can others value me
When I have no self worth?
Where has my confidence gone?
I was once proud to be me.
I was happy,
But that was many years ago.
I'm trying to get back to that,
But I don't want to drag you down
In case I end up falling further.
You say you don't see
The monster I see inside me,
But every time I look in the mirror,
It's there.
Trying to claw its way out.
Waiting to rear its ugly head
And make itself known.
I can never let you see
That ugly, tormented, vicious side of me.
I can never let you get too close
For the fear that you'll get hurt.
For you are too pure
Too good
Too kind for me.
Once you know me
There's no turning back.
Once you fear me,
You could never truly love me.
In the end I fear that one day,
You will see me how I see myself,
And that will be the end of me.
