All Fall Down

Chapter 1

Abigail's POV

Music echoed around in my head, I had been been listening to the ipod and earphones Ryan had given me pretty much since the day I came here. He had arranged a play list for me it had all our favourite songs on it, even a few demos that he had written just for me. Hearing his voice comforted me somewhat. I knew not seeing him or having any contact with him for 6 weeks would be hard, not jut for me but for him too. But I had no choice I had lost control and couldn't risk hurting my family anymore than they already had been.

My whole world had crumbled around me, I wasn't sure what to do or think anymore. I had lost my anchor and although Ryan was fantastic I felt like a failure. I failed as a mother, I was failing as a wife and I just wanted to keep people away from me and my destructive mechanism.

Granted I realise now the decision I made was selfish and unfair, but I couldn't continue tearing Ryan apart the way I was. I know finding me the way he did was diffucult for him, I mean I remember the way my dad looked at me after he found me. I had never seen disappointment like it.

×-×-×

It was late morning when I had finally picked up the courage to make the call...I wasn't sure what to say or even if he would want to speak to me. But deep down I knew I had to do it for the sake of the kids.

The dialing tone went on forever "Hello" an almost angelic voice answered "Hello?" It spoke again, I answered before he hung up.

"Hey" I could hardly make a sound as I opened my mouth to speak.

"Ab's" his voice wasn't how I expected hin to sound, he didn't seem angry in anyway, just relieved "Shit baby it's so good to hear your voice, how are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah" I reply trying to compose myself, hearing his voice is giving me butterflies. Which is a welcome relief to the knotting I had earlier "Yeah I'm okay, you?"

"Better for hearing your voice, god I've missed you so much" Ryan spoke gently and sincerely "I've called everyday to check in on you"

"I know" I smiled as I remembered the regular updates from the staff "Hey I was wondering how you'd feel about visiting me?"

"Are you kidding me, I'd love too. When?" Ryan seemed excited.

"Erm this afternoon" I reply and he hesitates "If you have plans..."

"No" Ryan quickly spoke "Nothing that can't be rearranged, I'll be there just after lunchtime okay?"

"Okay"

"Oh and Abi, I love you" these words from Ryan were enough to reassure me.

"I love you too" I hang up the phone and look around the room, realising I must look ghastly after 2 months in this place I quickly headed for the bathroom.

×××××××××

My heart was pounding as I watched Ryan walking towards the steps to the clinic...I swung opened the door and rushed down them and straight into his arms. Ryan hugged me tightly, breathing in my hair "I'm so sorry Ry, I'm so sorry" although I had hoped for a happy reunion, I found myself sobbing into Ryan's shirt.

"It's okay baby" I can feel a few tears on my neck as Ryan pulls away to wipe his eyes "Shall we go inside?"

My attention is drawn to a couple of photographers, I nod and take Ryan by the hand "So how are the kids? Is Lillia okay?"

"Yeah she's good" Ryan sat on the chair I pointed to I sat down opposite him "And Freya calls every day"

"What about you?" Ryan sighed deeply "Not so great, I need you Abi"

"Ry...I" he cuts me short.

"Not that I want you to rush home, I know you need to be in here. It's just..." Ryan tried to explain.

"I know I need you too" I take his hand again "That's why I called you, Ryan I think it's time for me to come home"

"Thank god" Ryan's face lit up "Thank you god"

I can't hide the smile on my face as he stands up to kiss me "Are you going to pack?"

"I already have" I replied and Ryan laughed.

"I wanted to be sure before I told you, and seeing you has made me realise I know exactly where I need to be" I reply and Ryan pushed his forehead against mine.

"I can't tell you what this means to me" he whispered gently "I'll get your things"

××××××××××

The first couple of weeks at home was great just me, Ryan and Lillia. Freya was in Canada with Nick and Lauren promoting Nicks new record.

Ryan had been busy working on some new music and the guys had started to come round regularly again. Being in rehab meant I hadn't needed Leroy to be with me, so he has been spending time at home and with my Mom. I haven't seen her yet either, we have planned a family meal to welcome Freya back home.

Although it feels great to be back at home I still can't shake the fact that somethings different a out Ryan, he seems a little distant.

I can hear him playing around with some melodies at the piano in the lounge so I take this as my opportunity while Lillia is asleep "Ry" I had no clue how to address this.

"Hey what's wrong?" Ryan asked and I decided to be brave, the last thing I wanted to do was leave things unsaid. He turned around to look at me and some hair fell over his eye my god he's gorgeous, I thought to myself.

"Are we okay?" I frowned and Ryan looked worried "I mean after everything that's happened of course we're not Okay...but you and me I mean, you seem distant should I be worried?"

"What?" Ryan quickly stood up and walked over to me "Of course not, baby nothings changed between us"

"You sure" I ask for confirmation and he nods to my relief "Then what's going on?"

Ryan hesitated before walking over tot the drawers, he pulled out a folder newspaper "Here" He handed it to me and I read the first few lines. My heart sinks as I look at the picture above the story, it's a picture of Ryan holding Alice's hand as they leave a club.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" I never meant to freak out, I knew better than anyone how much the paps can twist things to make a story.

"I swear it's not what it looks like, it was a cheap trick shot" Ryan quickly tried to explain "Alice was being crowded after a show and I grabbed her and pulled her out"

"I can't...I can't process this right now" I reply and pause looking deep into Ryan's eyes "I'm going to the studio, I have some dance stuff to finish before my meeting with George tomorrow"

"Abi please" Ryan tried to stop me "Please tell me you don't believe that bullshit"

"No" I say without needing to think about it "No of course I don't, I just need to think"

I can feel the tear's burning my eyes as I walk towards my dance studio.