Lean On Me #Wattys2016

Part 29

Mateo

Two months later....

Torture. That's exactly what I wake up for every weekday. I'm up early, working my walking speed up to a steady jog. The pain in my thigh is still there, but it's way more manageable than it was in the beginning. I'm still staying at my apartment near the hospital, but it doesn't feel like a prison cell anymore now that I have parts of my day I truly enjoy. My days are usually the same, I get up and go for a jog, attend my physical therapy, come home and shower and go meet a friend or sit my ass in the chair in front of my computer and write until the words blur together.

The only time my routine changes is on Tuesday mornings. I have attended every group since that day Ashlyn spoke with me in her office. Sometimes it's hard. Really fucking hard. Before the group I only had to struggle with my own depression and trauma. Being a member of the group has expanded that to empathizing with other wounded warriors. It's a lot, but it's working and feels very rewarding. At first I kept my distance, not really letting anyone in, but after the first month, I looked forward to going and even met up with a few of the guys around town for coffee or beer. The lonely gets a little smaller each time I get out of my comfort box and allow some human connection.

The torturous part of my day is when I open the doors to physical therapy and have to spend an hour or more in the same room with Ashlyn. She's still my brightest ray of sunshine, and not reaching out to her or tasting her lips on my own is maddening. I'm not sure how much longer I can do this without losing my mind. She and I will smile at each other and even wave now and then, but that's the extent of it. She's keeping her distance and while I like to think we could be together and I could continue to get well, she has the scars to prove she knows best. I've learned to trust the people who have already walked the path I'm taking.

I open the doors and look for her, like always. It's a habit I'm not in a hurry to give up. She's working with Levi, bent over in front of him fixing something on his wheel chair. He looks up and me and gives me an evil grin. He's been fucking with me for the last two months. He knows I have it bad for her, but can't do a damn thing about it. Levi and I have actually become friends outside this place so he has the inside story as to why I'm always so tense and frustrated when she's around me but not with me.

Jane has added a few new exercises to my routine now that I'm getting stronger. I walk to the mat, my steps so much smoother than the first day I set foot in this place. I still have a bit of a limp when I get going, but if you didn't know what to look for, I might be able to pass as normal. I lie on the mat and pull my knee up and let it fall to the other side of my body. This stretch used to hurt so bad I thought my muscle was being torn from the bone. I've gained a lot of flexibility and I'm going to work every day to not lose one centimeter of it.

The scent of apples sweeps past me and I close my eyes and picture Ashlyn. At first it was images of her kneeling before me, or her flushed cheeks as she held herself over my body. Now I picture her laughing, or the excitement I saw in her eyes when I told her about my novel. Don't get me wrong, the other images are still there—I just save them for times when I'm alone. I move my leg back and lift the other, stretching it across my body. I can feel eyes on me, but I don't want to look because if they aren't hers I'm going to be disappointed.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I drop my knee back and read the message. It makes me smile unreasonably big. I feel the excitement pump through my body. I type out a message in response.

Me: I can't wait. Let's get drunk and start some trouble!

The response I get makes me chuckle. I finish my stretches and stand up. I see Ashlyn across the room. Her eyes meet mine and she looks sad. I feel my own smile fall. My phone vibrates again and she watches me retrieve it, but then turns back to the patient she's helping. I head for the bike. I love that I'm limber enough now to do something other than walk at a granny pace. I type out another response.

Me: You coming alone?

I'm not ready to add an incline yet, but peddling the bike is getting easier. This time the text message makes me laugh out loud.

Me: Don't worry. We can snuggle. I'll keep you warm.

I tuck the phone back in my pocket and focus for the twenty minutes I'm on the bike. I can't wait for tonight. I need to relax, get loaded, and have a really good time. And tonight, I have the perfect date. With the excitement of tonight running through my head, PT seems to go quicker than usual. By the time I'm on my last exercise the happy feeling I had just minutes ago is being replaced with frustration once again. Ashlyn won't look at me. It's not the usual keep our distance type of ignoring me; it's deliberate and cold. I don't take my eyes off of her as I start the last set. She has to turn around at some point. I watch as she demonstrates a squat to a patient. Her ass looks amazing her pants, but I don't let it distract me from my mission. She is going to look me in the eye before I leave here or I'm going to be miserable this weekend.

"What did you do now?" Levi asks as we both rest on our machines. He's staring at her too.

"Right?!" I say harshly. "Everything was fine when I came in here. Now she won't even look in my direction. It's making me crazy." I push against the machine and the weights clank loudly with my uneven movement. She looks over her shoulder at me finally, but it doesn't make me feel better. It's not the playful flirty look she usually gives. Her eyes are cold and her mouth is a straight line across her beautiful face. "Damn it," I growl and Levi chuckles.

"I don't think I've seen her like this since the first few times the two of you clashed heads in here." He lets out a low whistle. "She's even hotter when she's pissed."

"Fuck you," I tell him and he laughs.

"No thank you. I got that all handled with my date tonight. But I recommend you take care of that on your end before you break the damn machine." He slides up just as I slam back down. I'm f*cking done. This girl has me twisted and turned upside down. Levi's right about one thing, if I don't let off some steam, I'm going to explode. I don't stop walking until I'm out on the front steps. The air feels good and I stop to take a few deep breaths. My phone buzzes again and I pull it out to read the message. I hope it's Ashlyn even though we haven't text in months, but I find myself smiling even though it isn't her name on my screen. 

****Who is texting Mateo? Vote for this chapter and read the next to find out!!