Fighting Blind [Published]

Chapter 9: Kei Valancia

Mentally steeling myself, I squared my shoulders and continued walking, becoming rigid as I got closer. We didn't say anything as I brushed past him, my shoulder barely touching his upper arm. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was pulled into a hard chest and dragged into the cooler room of the empty kitchen. I remained calm as he held me, trying with all of my might to ignore the dumb sparks.

"King, what are you doing?" I asked in a low voice, keeping my composure. He didn't say anything as he bent down and put his nose in the crook of my neck. I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Men and their weird obsession to sniff.

"I understand your need for space, but if I'm going to stay away for a long period of time, then please let me enjoy this small moment of bliss," he murmured, hugging me close to his chest. I was still and knew that my resolve along with my anger was beginning to fade.

"Here." Gripping his hand, I began pulling him towards my room. He didn't object and instead followed me until I had pulled him inside my room and shut the door behind us. We didn't say anything for a moment, our connected hands hanging between us like an old bridge barely holding on to connect the path over a chasm. A chasm that seemed to have been created by the little trust that we had in each other. In me.

"I'm sorry." Ryker broke the silence with those two words and I fought to keep my resolve.
"Sorry for what?" I knew it was a low blow for me to ask, but I got the feeling that he had never apologized in his life and I wanted to see what his response would be. I felt his grip on my hand tighten.

"I'm sorry for accusing you of such things when I don't even know the whole story. I'm sorry for being such a bad mate and for not trusting you." He did. Sound apologetic that is, and I felt myself soften. I pulled him closer and reached up to brush my fingers against his scruffy cheek, the prickly hair tickling my fingertips.

"I guess I can't really ask for you to trust me when we just met each other, mate or not. However, it hurts that you think so lowly of me." His arm suddenly wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer while his other hand cupped my cheek. I closed my eyes, not just from the feeling, but also I couldn't bare to look up at the spot where his eyes to be but only see black.

"Lune, I don't think lowly of you. Not at all. You're beautiful, strong and in every sense perfect. Don't ever think differently." I fisted his shirt and put my forehead against his chest, taking in a deep breath. His musky scent made me shudder and I was suddenly hit with something. Pulling back slightly, I tilted my head.

"Wait, are you a virgin?" His breathing seemed to pause before he let it out slowly.

"Yes." I felt my body freeze. Oh Goddess, he was a virgin and that single thought made my heart break. He had waited for me, his one mate but circumstances on my end ruined that for me. I suddenly yanked out of his grasp. "Kei?" Surprise was heard in his voice and seen in his aura with the orange glaring at me but I ignored it. I felt empty, angry, and full of hate. All three emotions that could consume me at any given moment.

I pressed myself against the door, feeling every ridge and plane through my shirt. Darkness began creeping through my mind and my emotions, just like my sight and I was on the verge of going back to my past self. Memories began to fill my head, the feeling of another's touch that sent disgust up my spine.

I didn't notice I was trembling until I felt large hands gripping my shoulders, slightly shaking me. Almost on automatic, my hand whipped out and gripped the assailant's wrist, twisting it to its nearest breaking point before I twisted around the man and flipped him onto his back. The man cursed and I noticed I was still shaking.

Letting go, I backed away and stared at the air blindly, the darkness of my vision bringing me to the point of panic. "Kei! Snap out of it." Fear, absolute and pure, shot through me. Some part of me knew that it was Ryker, my mate. Yet another part of me was being pulled back to the past that I prayed would go away.

"Ryker, I'm sorry." I began shaking my head and turned, my knee hitting the bed painfully.

"Kei, calm down." Strong arms wrapped around me like a steel prison, preventing me from going anywhere. I bit my tongue to keep my tears at bay, knowing that HE hated to see tears as they were a sign of weakness.

"Ryker, I don't deserve you." I suddenly sobbed, hiding my face into my hands. He tried to turn me but I didn't budge. I wouldn't let him see me so vulnerable, not caring if he was my mate at the moment. No, my mind still thought that he was the enemy and I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it.

"Kei," his voice was broken and I bit my lip, the pain in my chest intensifying as I knew that I was the cause of the pain.

"Ryker, I am going to tell you something that you are not going to be happy about but I just need you to listen, okay?" His silence was the confirmation to continue so I breathed in deeply to control my emotions. "There are things that I am not ready to discuss with you and it's my turn to be hypocritical in this matter, but I would really appreciate it if you could give me some space to sort out my feelings. I don't want you to be around me to fog my thoughts, because let's face it, we distract each other to no end."

"So you won't even hear my feelings in this matter at all?" he asked lowly. I shrugged and smiled at him wryly before pulling away, his arms letting me move.

"No, I will not. And I would like you to respect my wishes." I became cold and stoic, almost business like as I regained my composure. His body was surrounded by such an angry red, I was amazed by its intensity.

"Fine." His reply was clipped and he simply turned and walked out of the room, the door shutting behind him with a quiet click. Almost instantly I fell to my knees and let out a choked cry. The suffocating feelings came back and my skin itched at the phantom fingers. The sound of distant laughter filled my ears and I knew it was all in my head.

Kei, it's in the past, Rei said, but she was just as shaken up.

I know, but it still seems as if it was yesterday. And I hate it. I hate it so much. I cried, the silent tears dropping onto the rug beneath me.

Yes but we have our mate now. He'll protect us, she said with conviction.

Rei, do you really believe that?

Yes.

I smiled weakly but didn't say anything back. I knew that Ryker couldn't protect me from everything. Especially not from my own demons that I harbor.

I'll see you soon, darling. The blood in my veins froze and I felt my world stop. The voice was only a quiet whisper but I heard it all the same. I shut my eyes and leaned against the bed, my body emotionally and physically spent.

"Come and get me, I dare you." I whispered into the empty room, knowing that he heard me. However, the voice never answered back and I felt myself relax, now noticing how tired I was.

I was already half asleep when I noticed myself being lifted up and being tucked in. A kiss was planted on my forehead, a scent of dark chocolate teasing my nose as I swore I heard the words, "I'll wait for you forever," before I was pulled into the all-too familiar black abyss.