My Horrible Ex-Husband

Chapter Eighteen: A Most Horrible Ending

I rolled my eyes, shoving him.

“Stop being a sap,” I growled. “You can do that now. I gave you a second chance, Eli or did you forget?”

“I know I know,” Eli huffed. “It’s just I wish I would have come back into your life sooner and not like ten years after we divorced. That’s a long time we’ve been apart. I mean what if we never divorced ten years ago, things would have been different.”

“Yeah we would have probably divorced nine years ago,” I chuckled. “Stop thinking about the past Eli! We’re together now! Alone, if I might add.”

“You’re right, Caleb,” he nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re absolutely right. Let’s do something together – just the two of us.”

“Does this something involve us naked?” I asked curiously.

“Caleb,” Eli grinned, kissing me on the forehead. “I wasn’t even thinking that but maybe later. I was thinking you and I could go to a spa for the afternoon or maybe catch a movie.”

“I like that idea too,” I smirked as Eli wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He brushed his lips across my neck, kissing me gently. Just as I was about to kiss him on the lips, Michael walked out onto the porch, with a quizzical look on his face.

“What are you guys doing out here?” Michael asked.

“Talking,” Eli replied. “Why? What’s up?”

“Oh nothing,” Michael shrugged. “Just wondering where you guys were. I thought you weren’t home for a second.”

“Oh thinking about sneaking out?” I asked folding my arms across my chest.

“No! No! Of course not,” Michael chuckled. “I’m grounded. I would never do such a thing.”

“Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” I retorted, rolling my eyes. “Well, I should finish dinner. Is Michelle home yet?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “She’s in her room.”

I stood up quickly following Michael back into the house. My kids were very sneaky, so I had to keep an eye on them. Hence, why I stayed in the kitchen most of the time. I could see anyone who was coming in and out of the house from the kitchen. It was my best parenting strategy.

“Dad, you dropped something,” Michael called out to me. I turned around quickly, as a smirk grew on his face.

“Oh my god,” I heard Michelle say. “Is that? Is that what I think it is? Is that a dime bag?”

“Give me that,” I huffed snatching it from Michael’s hand. “It’s – It’s nothing. It’s uh - herbs from Daniel’s garden.”

“Herbs? Those are some interesting herbs,” Michael chuckled. I shoved it back into my pocket, storming away from them. I could hear Eli laughing behind me, as I walked into the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet. Great! Now our kids think that we’re into drugs. Damn Eli. He always puts me in these awkward situations.

“Herbs! That was a good one,” Eli chuckled at me.

“Shut up, Eli! It’s your fault in the first place! You brought it into our house,” I rasped.

“And you flushed it,” he groaned. “Ten dollars down the drain.”

“Where did you even get it from?” I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

“Oh! Some young kid at my job,” Eli shrugged. “Why? Do you want me to get us some ecstasy next? No! Maybe some Prozac.”

“Don’t joke about that!” I huffed. “The next time you bring drugs into my house, I’ll break your hand.”

“Ok babe,” Eli nodded. “Duly noted. It will never happen again.”

“You’re right about that,” I growled. “Come on, babe. Help me clear the table.”

“Right away,” Eli said following me like the complacent lap dog he was.

I was glad we were at this point in our relationship. Eli and I were actually back together. We were even stronger than when we were married. I mean now and then, he does stupid things that made me question the very basis of our entire relationship, but he’d easily make it up for it a second later.

I guess when you’re soul mates; you eventually find your way back to each other. That’s what Eli and I did. We had found our way back to each other after so many years. Eli and I had both grown. I wasn’t the annoying OCD nitpicky husband that I used to be and he wasn’t the workaholic lazy condescending bum that he used to be either. We both had changed and for the better, I might add.

And maybe – just maybe I’ll consider remarrying him. But for now, I was happy with just being Eli’s boyfriend, which was definitely a step-up from being his horrible ex-husband.