My Record Store Romance

It All Has to Fall Apart Somewhere

But I didn't want the right thing to say, I didn't want closed doors or fluffed up stories or lies. I wanted him to be honest with me.

Instead, I got;

"What are you talking about, Hailey?"

The way his voice sounded as he spoke my name made me shiver, but I ignored it. The fact that he didn't feel like he could tell me what was really bothering him hurt. And I knew that each time he refused to tell me the truth it would just sting even more. "Don't do what?"

I sighed.

"You think that I don't notice. You think that I don't see it. But I do, Drew, I notice. I see it. I see you."

"Hailey," He rolled his eyes playfully, shaking off what I had just said as if nothing within my words struck anything for him. "It was just a letter. You're making it a bigger deal than it is."

The stinging feeling in my stomach intensified, making my fingers tingle and teeth clench. "A bigger deal than it is?" I said, my voice escalating higher than intended. "If it's not such a big deal- why can't you tell me who it's from?"

He sighed at me, his breath hitching in his throat as he swallowed and attempted to keep looking me straight in the eye. "It's just complicated, Hailey. Really, really complicated."

The last word he had spoken caused my insides to twist. Complicated? Nothing was that complicated, not now; not ever.

"Oh god; don't say that to me." I said wistfully, turning to the side. "You sound exactly like my dad."

My heart began to pound in my chest, my ears ringing like bells. The way I felt towards Drew made me want to ignore the stinging feeling in my body, made me want to say I didn't care that he didn't tell me anything, made me want to say that it didn't hurt my feelings. Because I knew I couldn't ever actually be mad at him; I just couldn't. He meant too much to me. He would always mean too much to me.

But I needed to get some kind of response, some kind of answer, or I would just always be left in the dark. And I didn't want it to be that way.

"Hailey, I'm just- I can't. I just can't. You don't understand." He said, his brown eyes filling with pain.

I bit my lip as he reached out for my hand, but I didn't grab it. I wanted nothing more than his fingers to be intertwined with mine, to be connected. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, warmth radiating between us.

I wanted nothing more than to feel his lips on mine, to be kissed by him.

But I couldn't find it within me to take his hand, and I had to watch as his eyes transformed into a new look of hurt that made my chest ache.

His hand fell back to his side as I still stood in front of him, arms crossed and glaring.

Why was it so hard? Why couldn't he just tell me why he was upset?

"I could understand- would understand, if you would just talk to me. I told you everything, Drew. I don't have any secrets."

"That's only because your's don't hurt anyone." He replied, the words spewing from his mouth unexpectedly, like he hadn't meant to say them. I watched his hand as he reached down and began to twist his bracelet between his fingers, another reason for me to be confused.

Where had he even gotten that bracelet? Why didn't he ever take it off?

I rubbed my arm, trying not to let everything I was thinking pour out of me. "You know what hurts, Drew?" I asked, my words making me feel woozy. "Seeing you hurt. Seeing you hold everything inside, watching you try and come up with excuses for the truth when I want to hear everything you have to say, when I want to help you with whatever you're going through."