A is for apples

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I just want to clear up that this is a story about a girl and how she perceived herself because of society. I know  a few readers have strong views of what weight or body image is fat, but let's just not debate about that. Even if you think someone is not 'fat' that might be not the persons view. At the end of the day this is just a nice romance novel about a young adult.

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"Maybe tomorrow," I told myself as I grabbed the bread out of the toast maker and placed it on the plate. Yes, from tomorrow I will start a healthier breakfast. Oh god at this rate tomorrow will never arrive and it will forever be tomorrow.

Ever feel like that? The night before you have it all done out, healthy breakfast, maybe a few sit ups or crunches or ten start jumps but when you wake up it's just so bloody damn cold you think, I'll do it tomorrow. That's what I was feeling now, tomorrow it will be.

Spreading a handful of nutella on I nearly moaned at the smell as it reached my nose. I loved the smell of chocolate, the taste not so much, yes I know a bit weird. The thing was I didn't even like chocolate that much, large amount gave me headaches but every once in a blue moon I get this craving for it, I blame the wonderful present once a month, the period. It makes me crave sugar like no other thing on earth, especially when I hate it.

The door opened and I looked up to see Jenny stroll in like she owned my apartment, which she probably did with the amount of time she spent here.

"Violet!!" she screamed barrelling into me and squishing me into a hug. I chocked on the piece of toast in my mouth as it went down my throat, dry and scratching the sides. 

"Dude you are going to kill me," I said as I released her hold on me. She looked at my sand which and frowned, "Man I wish I can eat it,"

"Here, I can just make some more you know?" I told her. She refused backing away,

"Please I can't indulge in that stuff, I need to lose weight,"

I rolled my eyes, Jenny was perfectly skinny enough already, she didn't need to lose anything.

"Jenny darling, I need to lose weight," I snapped.

"Are you kidding me, you'r so skinny Violet! You have like the perfect figure!"

I rolled my eyes and continued to eat. The truth was, I didn't. I may have toned legs and arms but that's where it stopped. That massive amount of flab that resembled a cushion around my stomach, back and even now forming between my shoulder blades was gross.

I coulnd't even suck in my stomach to look skinny anymore, cause if I did, I still had flab showing and that's when I knew I needed to work out. But that's what tomorrow is for right? No really, I should. 

Summer is in three months and for once I want to wear a nice Summer dress that doesn't require me pretending to be skinny and sucking in my stomach. 

"Come on we're already late," I told her as I grabbed my jacket pulling it on. I relaxed my stomach seeing the jacket cover everything and sighed. Ah I nearly forgot the feeling, every time I had company, even if it was my best-est friend my stomach went in.

I had a serious case of low self esteem and all I did was complain about it, not actually try and work out or anything. 

Jenny and I worked as wedding and event planned. It was good fun. But with having our own business you think we would find our time to work out.

AIn't nobody got time for that.

She pulled on her jacket buttoning up the buttons and I stared in enviously at her perfect curves on the side of he body. Mine was not like an hourglass, the smooth curve, my curves were getting wider and I needed to stop it before it turned as wide as my neighbours door.

"Hurry up," I muttered as I ran down the stairs. Jenny was already puffing at the top. I didn't get it. I was way more fit than her but she was still skinnier. Maybe it was because I would train and then stop, then train so my body wasn't used to not training and I put it all back on.

The training came from playing hockey, another reason why people think I was skinny, or at least not fat. But it's been nearly a year since I quit and I hadn't done any sport since. I was grateful for the shapely legs it gave me, but that stopped mid thighs were the flab came back. I had to work on that as well.

When I went on tippy toes or climber stairs you could see the muscle in my calves show. I had muscles in my arms as well but they were probably coated in a layer of fat now. It wasn't that much fat to be honest, but enough to make me uncomfortable. The real fat in me was my stomach.

I really, really needed to get rid of it and it would be so damn hard work. And I wasn't going to starve myself because when I got to the size I want and started eating again, it will just be back on. 

No I wanted to eat healthy or moderately but work out, that's the only way you will be fit for life, when you eat what like you want to and still maintain that body. 

It was hard work but I was prepared to.

I validated my ticket and got onto the bus nearly crashing into the person in front of me since I was too busy thinking. Way to go Violet.

"I"m so-rry," I said as he turned around and his blue eyes met with mine. Oh my. 

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