phan - cereal

chapter 12 - walking

Dans pov

I'm walking, walking and more walking.

It's weird how something you would have wanted to do more than anything else can turn into something you really don't want to do and aren't sure if you should be doing anymore.  It sounds confusing but it really isn't, I wanted Amy and now I think I Want Phil.

In the last hour my sexuality has literally changed and not having Phil around has proved to me that I need him.  To be honest I always needed him but now I need him in a totally different way.

When I kissed him I thought it was meaningless but now i'm not sure at all, if anything I think the opposite.  I miss him and I want him back more than anything.

STOP DAN

He isn't gone and he won't be gone, I need to stop thinking like this, he will be okay and he will be back with me soon.  I miss him but then why am I walking through the dark streets of London to see a girl I was obsessed with.

I have to keep walking, i'm only just realizing I might have feelings for Phil but I have had feelings for Amy since I saw her and I don't think I can I just forget them.   What am I then? Gay or straight?

I need to stop, I constantly tell the fans they don't need labels and here I am stressing about who I am. Maybe I never needed time to think maybe I needed to live in the moment.  Stop thinking about if I should kiss Phil and just do it.  After all I was the one who said the meaning of life was to be happy and here I am stopping my happiness with Phil.

I'm here, looking at Amy's flat door and I don't want to be here, for once I actually know what I want.

I know that I want Phil and before I didn't know that, walking to Amy's house was the thinking time I could never have had in Chris's house or in that stupid hospital chair. I know what I want now.  Even so, I knock on Amy's door I mean it can't do any harm she could be an awesome friend, she never liked me like that anyway.

She opens it and her face beams, I suddenly walk in to see her apartment is covered in scented candles and she herself looked beautiful.  I tell myself not to, Phil is unconscious in a hospital bed and I should be there, I should be sat next to him ignoring the doctors and ready to tell him I finally know what I want and that it's him.  I don't want to be cheesy but that's how I feel an-

"Dan?"

it was Amy looking at me blankly, she was wearing a tight red dress with perfectly curled hair and her winged eyeliner was the neatest thing I had ever seen in my entire life.  She made an effort for me, if only she had done this a month ago.

" Sorry I didn't realize this was a fancy thing, I thought we were just sitting down for a coffee," I say as confidently as I can.

"It's not but can I be honest with you?"

NO she can't not now when I have things in my mind all sorted and I have finally worked out I want to be with Phil and we would be so happy.  But I can't say that

"Um I guess so" I reply

"Dan, I really like you,"

What do I do now! how can this be happening just how can this be happening right now.

my mind is blank and I don't say anything, I can't say anything.

She leans in

no way she won't

she's getting closer

no

shes a centimetre away from me

omg she is

She kisses me, her lips touch mine and I feel nothing, literally nothing.  I thought when I kissed Phil, I felt nothing but I don't think I did, I don't think I knew what nothing was then. This was nothing.

She pulls away, she knows I didn't feel it, she must do

"Omg Dan, it's true isn't it, all of those deranged stupid teenagers are right aren't they?"

"Who are you talking about?" I have a bad feeling about all of this

"Your fans, they are right you are with Phil Lester that stupid emo-haired idiot,"

"What did you just say?" I can't believe my ears right now

" That's right, I've found your videos and I know your fans are right.  You didn't feel that kiss at all and i've seen you around Phil in person and I know you've been sat with him all week in hospital. You and Phil are a couple and i'm going to tell the world about it"

My world crumbled I mean who did she think she was? How did Amy become an evil villain and why? I hadn't even thought about the millions of phan-shippers that stalked the internet trying to prove us when we weren't a thing.  That must have been torture for Phil. All these angry emotions were whirling in my head yet the only thing I could manage to say was:

"Amy are you serious?"

"Damn right i'm serious"

Phil's POV

I can see, im in hospital, what happened to me? Did Dan leave? Where is Dan.........?