Mark Tuan, You are mine! (GOT7 || Book 2)

12 : Lost

[I don't know if bringing her here was a good decision or not anymore]

I can't seem to eat anymore. I don't have the appetite. I'm not hungry I would tell Han Seul. But he always forces me to have a bite no matter what. I feel lifeless, why am I feeling like this?

[I can't let her be like this anymore. It has been 3 months. I am not going to let her have her way.]

I got scolded by Han Seul today. And I cried. I cried for freaking 3 hours before stopping. Why? Because his words hit core, they were right.

"What do you think you are doing? Do you think I brought you here to see you become like this?"

"Look up Min Ae. See how beautiful the world is. It's just a relationship, he's just a boy. It's not worth it."

I used to tell myself that too.

"The Min Ae that taunted me with a race wouldn't act like this. You've changed and I'm being pretty disappointed with this change."

"I'm disappointed in you Min Ae. I'm utterly disappointed. Don't talk to me until you have thought it through. Think about what you are going to do with your life. It's your life, not mine."

"Think about how disappointed JYP-nim, your parents, your oppas will be when they see you like this. Is this how they want to be?"

"Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you see yourself there? Because I don't."

I lost it then.

He's right. What am I doing to myself? This, this, isn't me.

[She's better but not better. She's there but not there. I really don't know what to do.]

I listened to Han Seul. I studied hard, I worked hard. I eat, I sleep. I immerse myself in learning, in refining myself, in getting better. I try my best to achieve the best. I want to be the best. But still, I feel empty inside. I feel like there's a blackhole inside of me, making me feel void and empty. It's almost as if, there's nothing inside of me.

I still don't bother to make friends. Everyone got used to my behaviour. It is a thank goodness no one knew who I was. KPOP isn't that popular here, although considering that JYP Entertainment is one of the major shareholders and that most of JYP Entertainment's choreographer came from here.

[She's improving yet I still feel that there's still something missing inside her.]

Han Seul introduced me to the annual contest held in our school. He demanded that I write a song by the end of the year.

It felt good when the words flow out from me. I suddenly have a million of ideas for it, it seemed that everything had just clicked. The tune flowed through me and inspiration was boundless. Before long, I completed it. The feeling was overwhelming. It almost made felt complete, felt whole again. Writing songs became a full time hobby for me and soon, I wrote numerous songs. I was praised by Han Seul.

I guess I have a lot to thank Han Seul for. He saved me...from myself. And I'm glad for it and that he has never left me. Han Seul felt like home, I felt like I had a home again.

[She smiled today, not because of me, but still I'm content.]

There was someone new in our class today. And the thing was he kept bothering me. At first I didn't care much about his presence, but he kept asking questions.

"What's your name?"

"You don't look from here."

"Why aren't you smiling?"

He was so annoying and he kept following me around the whole day. He even resorted to telling lame cold jokes just to get me to respond to him. In the end, I did. Not because of his jokes, not because of his bothering, but because he fell onto the floor by slipping on a banana peel because he was too busy trying to get a reaction out of me to notice it.

The look he had when he slipped down, the way he smiled and said that it's alright, everything was fine made me reach out to him.

I pulled out my hand.

"I'm Chloe."

"Theodore at your service." He gave me a huge smile and I returned it.

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Lost

I see the streets, bustling with people, but there's no one that I know.

I see the skies, I reach out to it, but I can't touch it no matter what.

It's almost as if, I'm standing at a crossroad with nowhere to go.

Isn't it impossible, 'cause there's two paths to choose?

Why am I feeling this way? Why do I feel so little? Why? Tell me why?

I'm lost. Could someone save me?
I'm lost. Help me.

I have never been immersed in such darkness before, shine the light through my life.

Take my hand and guide me out.

This feeling is weird. I find myself looking around sometimes looking for the thing that I left.

But I don't know what. I don't know anything anymore.

Save me.

Why am I feeling this way? Why do I feel so little? Why? Tell me why?

I'm lost. Could someone save me?

I'm lost. Please help me...