"I want that teddy bear over there," I pointed out as I watched it sitting there on the shelves. Jungkook stared at it before walking up to the game and paying the owner. It was a balloon game. He had to hit a certain amount of balloons with the sharp darts in order to get a toy. With accuracy in each throw, Jungkook was able to easily gain the points. "What toy would you like?" The man asked.
"The teddy bear."
Jungkook thanked the owner and handed me the teddy bear. I hugged it tight against me, feeling the soft fur against my fingertips. I took a sip of soda and smiled. "Can we ride the Ferris wheel now? I've never been on one," I asked. He nodded as we headed towards the Ferris wheel. We handed out tickets and got into our car.
Jungkook sat from across me. I stared out the window as the car got higher by the moment. He just sat there still, almost emotionless. He seemed to be lost in thought. I waved my hand in front of him and he snapped out of his trance. Jungkook blinked numerous times before looking out the window. The teddy bear was sitting next to me, his head slighting titled to the side.
"Can we take a picture together? It's just that I want to remember this moment," I asked.
He frowned, but it disappeared in a flash afterwards. "Sure," his voice chirped. I bit my lip, a bit hesitant because of his frown, but took out my phone anyways. I took the bear and placed it onto my lap before I sat next to Jungkook. I quickly snapped a picture and laughed at Jungkook's unexpected face. He snorted at the photo and said, "at least, I look better than you." I furrowed my eyebrows at his denial. I decided to ignore him and look out the window.
The view was amazing and pretty from this height. I stared in awe and placed my hand on the window.
I could see buildings and other rides from here. "I wonder what it would look like at night. It would be so beautiful," I hugged my bear and took a sip of soda. The drink was being watered down by the ice since it was slowly melting.
"Hmm," Jungkook hummed.
When he reached for my hair, I flinched a bit before I relaxed into his touch. He played with a strand of my hair.
"Why did you flinch?"
I looked away from him as a tear escaped. "It's just..." I sighed. "You don't have to tell me," Jungkook wiped away the tear. "I get abused by my father. I don't know why. I'm his daughter yet he hurts me and throws me around like I'm trash. Even though he hurts me, I really wish he would realize what he's doing and stop. But it seems like he's never going to realize it," I looked at my feet, "I've been thinking of running away, but I don't know if I'm brave enough to do it."
"You can do it if you believe in yourself. It's your choice. You shouldn't let someone push you around like that," Jungkook said.
"I'll think about it more," I replied and said nothing else. The Ferris wheel ride came to an end and we got off, my arm holding the teddy bear against me tightly. We headed towards the ocean and I stood there, my feet digging into the wet sand. The place was empty and no one was around. I settled the bear down on a towel, ten feet away from me. I walked closer to the water. The tide rose to my calves. I felt the cold water surround my lower body as I walked further in. I kicked my feet around lightly, staring at the open sky.
I wish I could get lost. Lost in the water.
I let my hands touch the water. Although I was freezing cold, I didn't care and I just stood there. Jungkook stared at me from a distance. I could tell he was getting a bit worried by the look on his face.
I thought back at the words my classmates and my dad would tell me.
"No one cares about you."
"You're just trash. I don't even get why you're alive."
"You were a mistake and so is your brother. You're nothing to us. We should just sell you off."
"You're disgusting. No wonder why you don't have that many friends around. I don't even get why Min Yeon stays with you."
"The only reason why we're keeping you alive is so that we can feed off of you. So that we can feed off your money that you'll earn and then when we don't need you anymore, we can just throw you out. Like trash."
I screamed at the thought and cried. I'm not trash. I'm not. Please stop. I'm not disgusting. I'm not a mistake. Those words circulated around my head and my head started to hurt. I ran deeper into the water before I heard Jungkook shouting my name.
"Mi Rae! Don't you dare!"
I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist as I struggled against his grip. "I know what you want to do, but that's admitting you're a coward. Don't forget about who's waiting for you. Your friend and your brother," he turned me around. "I'm not a coward!" I slapped his face as tears ran down my face.
Jungkook held my hands and looked straight into my eyes. "You are, Mi Rae. As much as you may hate to admit it, you are. You're trying to escape the problem by committing suicide yet you leave your brother there. What about your brother? He needs you. You're not the only one who goes through these problems. You need to confront the problem yourself, whether or not you want to," Jungkook said.
"Don't you know? I'm scared. I'm scared to confront the problem. Whenever I want to, I feel like I'm about to suffocate because I can't breathe and the words that I want to say, never come out," I broke down into his arms.
"I know but you have to."
I'm scared.
~
THIS CHAPTER IS BAD. I'm so lazy and I don't even feel like writing. Right now, I'm listening to Monsta X.
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^me getting hit with writer's block
From your author, Flora Lee
P.S. WONHO IS MY BIAS AND I.M IS THE BIAS WRECKER.
