~Ikigai~ {Uchiha Itachi x Reader}

~<1>~

      I don't know what got a hold of me.

   Just one argument. That's what it took for me to run away from my own house. It was my brother. We were quite close to be honest. I loved him, he loved me. At least that's what I thought. Today was the first time we were left alone, and I saw how he really is.

I heard the sound of the front door close, so I proceeded upstairs. The people I lived with had to go somewhere else, leaving me and brother alone. I thought it would be the same. I thought it would be okay. Except, just as the door closed, he came at me, roughly walking towards me. He looked quite irritated.

"Sit down" he strictly said, pointing his finger at me as he takes a place to sit. I was halfway through getting upstairs so I had to go back down a few steps.
"Yes? What's wrong?" I calmly told him, not paying much attention as I went over and took a seat in front of him.
"Everything. I kept quiet for a while now. But I'm growing tired of your shit." I jumped at those words. He never talked to me like that. He always smiled and politely said everything he thought was unappealing. I thought he was just joking with me.
"H-hah, f-funny bro.  But tell me, what's wrong? I don't r-recall doing something bad..." I tried thinking through everything I did this whole month. Nothing. I didn't do anything.
"You did nothing. That's why." He was glaring at me now, which went through me like daggers.
"Ehm..?" I uncomfortably shifted in my seat, not knowing what to say.
"You do nothing productive. Nothing at all. Look at your friends, they've been running around getting everything done. But you? All you do is sit there and wait for some miracle to happen."
He grumpily scolded me.

I was shocked by his words. Yeah, sure I didn't do anything, but only because there wasn't anything to do.
"I would've done something if there was something!" I tried defending myself. Tried.
"You and your trying. Have you done anything trying? Have you accomplished anything trying? Look, this is not some dumb movie where the protagonist tries their best and wins. This is reality. You've been doing that for years now. Still nothing. " I felt like crying. It went straight into my insides to my heart. I felt it shatter a bit. I was getting irritated now as well.
"Well if I was this bad why didn't you tell me so years ago? I don't know, maybe I would've tried to do someth-"
"Tried to do. " he cut me off, showing nothing other than hate and disappointment. He loudly sighed as he massaged between his eyes.
"I'm honestly disappointed. If you still think this is a damn movie, then at least try to make me proud for once."
For once. What did he mean by that? Have I never made him proud? I don't know if I hate him or I hate myself. Probably both.
"Are you really getting that mad for just one thing? That's kinda childishly dumb you know. " I muttered the last part, thinking he wouln't hear.
"Oh really, am I childishly dumb now? This wouldn't have happened if you were not so troublesome!" He stood up, slamming his hands on the table, knocking two candles down.
"Were you really so cowardly to not tell this to me when others were around?" I stood up as well, catching up to everything. I glared at him, disgusted by his fake being.

I took a deep breath, and sat back down, leaning back,
"So tell me. What others things have been bothering you?" I told him, voice cracking a bit.
"Everything about you. The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you eat. Everything!" He was still standing, hands gripped tightly onto the edges of the table.
"If you despise me so much then how about I just walk right out of your life? Will that make you happy?!" I screamed at him, tears forming in my eyes. I got up, and started walking up towards the knives on the counter. I took one of them, pointing it towards my throat. I was moving too fast. I was getting too emotional. I didn't want my life to end here. The simple things wanted me to keep living.
He didn't do anything to stop me. He just stood there looking annoyed. He probably things I don't have the guts to do it.
"I'm not sure if I should just kill you and get it over with, or if I should kill myself and move on." I smiled slightly at him. He seemed a bit panicked, but kept his cool.
"Go ahead. Kill me. You don't have the guts to anyways." He cooed, waving his hands towards me. I got annoyed now. I don't know what took over me, but I started walking towards him, lowering my knife. I was still smiling. His expression dropped, looking scared.
"O-oi. S-stop smiling like that! Do you realize what you're about to do?!" He tried reaching out to grab the knife, failing. He was backing off into the wall, looking horrified. I was quite satisfied by his expression. But then realization hit me. I was about to kill a man. I won't be able to do it.
I dropped the knife on the floor, looking shocked. The knife fell down and hit the floor with a cling. I stood there for a moment before running off into my room, crying.

I roughly took out a bag, stuffing my clothes in them. I bagged up everything I thought will be helpful. I was being stubborn now. When I was finished, I opened my window, and jumped out into the roof. I used to do this all the time, looking at the stars if there were any visible. I slid down, hanging from the roof with my hands. I dropped my hands, landing safely on my feet. I stared at the house for a bit. I was getting flashbacks of all the memories and good times I had in this house. Was I really going to do this? I sighed, gulping down the guilt in my throat, and ran off.