Faced with a quarter life crisis, Jane goes to Greece in search of her biological father in the hopes that he will provide her with the answers she's been searching for her entire life. What she doesn't bargain on is meeting Dimitri- a Greek 'God' i...
I glanced down and to my absolute horror. Horrendous, horror of horrors, I saw it. And then another.
Two boxes of condoms. Boxes I'd never seen before in my life.
I feel like this is a good spot for some more backstory about my mother.
When I say my mother is a meddler, I really mean that. Whilst other mothers are telling their daughters not to be having sex, my mother is encouraging it. So adamant is she that I am incapable of finding myself a man and doing my own dating, that she has taken over my love life. She's even made me an online dating profile. Just the other day – she told me with great excitement - LonelyGuy28 sent me a smile and a photo request.
"Don't worry, though, I put your photo into that editor program and I shaved off at least a pound around your jawline. I also told him that you weren't into the kinky spanking stuff, but you weren't entirely vanilla either. Winky face."
I didn't even know what that meant?
She's always forwarding me interesting articles about "How to marry a man in 60 days" and pleasing him in bed. So these condoms were definitely her doing!
I watched in jaw dropping horror as the studded ones seemed to skid all the way across the floor until they were almost out of sight and the scented ones, well... lets just say those were the ones that caused all the issues. The little box skidded across the shiny polished floor until bang, it finally came to a complete stop next to his sexy sandaled foot.
I bit my lip. It was all I could do to stop myself from losing control and throwing up from the agony of sheer humiliation. I glanced down at the offending box that was touching his sandal. I stared at it, willing it to reverse across the floor and back into the bag. It did not.
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I looked up at Man God to see if he had noticed it yet, and just as I did his eyes - those golden, greeny, dreamy, drown-in-me eyes, began to drift down, down, down. There was only one thing to do really, and it was in the vein of ripping the bandage off as quickly as possible.
So as fast as the limitations of the human body would allow, I threw myself down onto the floor and with trembling hands grabbed the box by his foot, bumping his big toe as I went. Then I stood up as gracefully as I could, although I suspected that any illusions of grace had already been shattered.
"Whew!" I exclaimed loudly and started fanning myself with my hand, "You know, it can often feel at least 2 to 5 degrees hotter inside than outside." I continued to fan myself and babble, "I'm quite thirsty. You know, the human body can lose about 1.5 liters of water during a three hour long flight." My eyes were flicking around for something to focus on and my brain was searching for something else to say. "You should really consider not wearing sandals, they can expose your feet to all kinds of bacteria and fungus, especially Staphylococcus... not that I'm saying you have a fungal infections or anything." Oh God! Any attempt at acting cool was completely shattered!
The man God standing in front of me smiled. It was a slow, curious smile. "I'll definitely consider that next time I put my shoes on." He sounded strangely amused with me, through a thick accent with surprisingly good English.
"Sorry." I said in a defeated manner.
"No worries! Welcome to beautiful Santorini" he suddenly said cheerfully. His smile got even bigger. Dimples sprung to life in his cheeks. God, he was hot. He totally terrified me. And made me completely nauseous.
"You're going to fall in love with it."
"Huh? With what?"
"The island. Santorini is the island of love, where anything and everything is possible." He flashed me another killer smile. "You're never going to want to leave."
His mobile phone rang, and he gave me a polite smile before answering it. He walked away a little and started chatting. It gave me a moment to really look at him. He was taller than me, which was always a good sign. His hair was a sun kissed brown with flecks of golden blond in it. It was shoulder length and tussled perfectly. Normally I was completely turned off by long-haired men that looked like they spent too much time on the beach surfing and posturing in front of a mirror. But not him. He was the kind of guy I could see many women being completely caught off guard by.
"But I'm happily married, he's fifty years younger than me, I'm a lesbian for heaven sake!"
I could also finally see his eyes. His irises were a pale green color, not your standard green however, but a green that looked like it had been mixed with a dollop of gold. The mesmerizing green-gold got darker as it radiated outwards towards the outer edge where the color transformed into an almost black. His eyes were long and slanting and they had a half closed quality to them, smoldering bedroom eyes that oozed sex.
"Have sex with me now. Sex, sex, sex."
I was staring. I could feel my jaw starting to slack. I had to try and snap out of it, but it was obvious that he gave off some sort of invisible scent or pheromone that was intoxicating to women. Like a silent dog whistle that only dogs could hear. Perhaps he was some kind of practitioner of the dark arts who wore purple velvet cloaks in the forest at night, carried around chalices and cast spells over the entire 3.5 billion women on the planet. He hung up and walked over to me again and I slammed my mouth shut.
I was so glad I had glasses on and he wasn't able to see the pure unadulterated lust in my eyes.
"Sorry about that," he said as he bent down to pick up my bag. "Shall we?"
"Shall we what!?" it came flying out of my mouth, and as soon as it did, I realized how off the mark I was. I had been so busy thinking bad thoughts that my mind was firmly in the gutter.
"Go. Shall we go Jane?"
"Sure." But just as we started walking out of the airport, a man intercepted us. He stretched his hand out and my heart plummeted.
"I think you dropped this." He was holding the box of condoms.
I shook my head. Hard. "Nooo. Not mine, never seen them before," which was actually the honest to God truth. The man gave me a little knowing wink and turned the box over in his hand. Oh God, what was that? It looked like my mother had pinned a little note to it. He opened it and read.
Jane, in case you decide to let your hair down. Mom X
I nodded and forced a laugh. "Mothers, hey!"
The man turned to Man God, he said something to him in Greek and handed him the box.
"Oh! No..." I gestured frantically from Man God to me and shook my head, "We're not, I mean I would never. It's not like that at all... its..." the man gave me one more amused look before walking away.
I looked over at Man God, he was holding the box of condoms in his hand with a strange smile plastered across his face.
"Jane, here's a condom and have sex with me. Have sex with me now!"
He extended his hand to me, the bright red box of condoms almost glinting in the overhead lights. Nothing else to do really. I grabbed them from him as indignantly as I possibly could and plunged them into my bag.
I was going to kill my mother for this! Or maybe this was one of those incidents I would laugh about in years to come. "Remember the time... hahahah."
