Am I in love with him?

Chapter.8 why must i be so stupid?

its been such a long time since i last felt my heart skip a beat i hate that feeling i hate that feeling that when you see the person you care so much for get hurt by me its the worst feeling you could ever feel in your life. God why do i act so stupid its because i have feelings for him its because i dont want to let him go but i guess im so scared. im scared to leave him and hurt him or maybe im scared that he will leave me because i dont know how to treat anyone right. why must love be so stupid?                 ~Ludwig Beilschmidt

"Feli I.... did I...Hurt y-" he was cut off but a huff and a plop on Felicianos seat "no Mr.Beilschmidt everything is fine im fine and your fine i just strongly hate people who like to have sex and leave but i mean i guess thats just me i am a type of person that wants to stay with them for as long as it will take." he said as he gave a weak smile "but i could BE that man to someone!" 'i could be that man to you'he thought as Ludwig protested Felicianos smile grew wider "oh yeah" Feliciano teased "yeah!" he said looking at him. Feliciano thought "yeah so prove it" he said standing up as ludwig did to they walked closer to each other Ludwigs and Felicianos chests were just about touching.  Even though they were so close Feliciano could swear he heard both of there heat beats "so then what do i need to prove?" Ludwig asked taking a step closer making them both blush "i dont know i mean it will be your call there Mr.Beilschmidt" he said smirking "how about we talk after work maybe stay here a little?" he asked as a small nod left Felicianos head "i guess so" he said smiling slightly. before they went to sit down Feliciano winked at him. Ludwig gulped and sat down. he bit his lips and continued to look at him up and down smiling slightly.

      The time rolled around to wear everyone left and it was just Ludwig and Feliciano. Ludwig sighed and when he heard Felicianos voice it made him smile " hey Ludwig? what is love to you?" he said looking down. Ludwig thought for a moment "love? well i dont believe  in it but if i did i would say that feeling that makes your heart skip a beat each time they call your name, when they smile they make your day jut a little bit more brighter... love is that feeling you get in your stomach when you see that person and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with" he said smiling at the thought of Feliciano "now let me ask you this. when do you know your in love and how do you make them fall in love with you?" he asked and the small brown headed Italian said "you know your in love when you want to feel them and you want to kiss them so much you want them t ask you out every day you see them it is also filled with pain so thats the only thing" he said frowning "and you cant make someone fall in love with you it just happens and some times the two people feel the same about one another its amazing and sometimes you cant handle it any longer and you just have to kiss them because they tease you or you need them to shut up" he said giggling "but there isn't a true reason to that question i was just guessing" he said laughing again making Ludwigs heart skip one more beat "o-oh okay" he said looking dead in the eyes "what if you kiss someone ?" Feliciano looked at him and smiled warming his heart up "why kiss someone if you like them enough we do it in Italy a lot but because its being nice to the person" he said as he giggled slightly. he looked back down at his papers and worked on them more the empty conversations were filled with pen scribbles. ludwig stood up and walked over to Feliciano smiling slightly" Ludwig bent over sticking his ass in the air reading hat Feliciano was writing. Feliciano glanced at him and Ludwig scooted closer leaning up and grabbing his face kissing his lips deeply. when they broke apart Feliciano frowned wanting more of his soft kisses for a reason he couldn't believe. "was that how you Italians kiss?" he asked and Feliciano shook his head bringing him into a deeper kiss loving every moment with him god the kiss was warm and passionate Feliciano pulled away smirking slightly "now that Ludwig Beilschmidt is how a Italian should kiss" he said giggling. Ludwig blushed even deeper then he has ever thought he would "mhm" he said touching his lips and smiling "i-i think you Italians kiss better then us Germans" he said blushing harder as he looked at Feliciano dead in the eyes "show me then if you  dont mind" Feliciano said smiling as a small nod came from Ludwig as he leaned in grabbing Felicianos  face and kissed his lips deeply and roughly, Feliciano warped his arms around Ludwigs neck as he stepped closer. Ludwigs hands went down to his hips pressing agents him and he grinned slowly Ludwigs blue jeans pressed against Felicianos gray looking jeans. Ludwig moaned into the kiss and he smiled slightly. when the time came Ludwig broke apart panting and Feliciano gripped his shirt and he chuckled "Ludwig please dont stop i want to keep doing this" he begged but Ludwig backed away "ill only do it with my lover?" he said smiling "w-wait you have a lover?" Feliciano said sighing slightly "ah i mean-" he was cut off "wait you go out to bars and fuck every girl you could get but then leave them how does your lover stand you oh my god your terrible Ludwig Beischmidt... i mean how could you think of pushing someone into that i thought you felt something i thought you could of wanted something else" he said lowering his voice "was i going to be one of the girls  that you would fuck and leave?" he said covering his mouth "what? thats not what i meant Feliciano i dont cheat i mean i wouldn't cheat if i was with someone i care about!" he demanded. Feliciano looked at him and frowned more not looking at him and sighing "i can believe i almost went with you to places i would of never went with my boss" Feliciano said grunting packing up his stuff. Ludwig wanted to grab his arm and hug him he wanted to tell him 'no dont go' or 'please stay with me' he wanted to so bad but didnt "dio mio i cant believe i kissed you and i let you kiss me!" he said grunting packing up his stuff and picking it up looking at him and shaking his head "idiot!" he yelled at him as he turned his back starting to walk away. Ludwigs heart burned and it felt like braking. Ludwig reached out and grabbed his hand "Feliciano" he said softly "please let me go Mr.Beilschmidt i dont want any contact it was my fault for letting it go this far" he said lowering his head "but.. i want to stay with you just you and me" he said blushing "lets go out lets become something" he said looking at him and smiling. Feliciano jumped up slightly not in happiness but in shock "of course not i will never do that with my boss and i would never do that with you!" he said his heart beating fast "i cant believe you would say that to me i cant believe you how about you cheat on me... oh how about you fuck me and leave" he said walking out of the office. Ludwig heart burned and he followed him "please lets just go to your place?" he said looking at him "no!" he said walking down the block as Ludwig continued to follow "what do you want ill do it ill just do anything to make you happy" Ludwig said looking at him "you can not fuck every woman you see you can love one person and them alone you can not cheat of them and you can fall in love with me" Feliciano said in a fast tone his accent going rampage. "what?!? " he said blushing so hard he could feel his face heat up. Feliciano looked at him "ill let you go home with me but ill only let you eat dinner then you go home right after, okay?" he asked as a small nod left Ludwigs head.

Feliciano opened the door to his apartment petting his two small cats and he made his way to the kitchen "A beautiful house fits a beautiful man" he said smiling as he followed Feliciano to the kitchen watching him prep the food "sure thanks" he said getting everything ready when large but soft hands wrapped around his waist.