masked

#22

"Willow? Are you okay?"

My vision was slightly blurred however I could still make out the familiar mop of brown hair and blue eyes.

"Harry!" I yelled, hurtling myself forward and wrapping my arms around him.

He almost stumbled and fell over in shock but then hugged me back, laughing a little awkwardly.

"I thought you were hurt, sprawled out on the pavement like that." He exclaimed, sounding relieved. Then he pulled away and sniffed deeply. His eyes scanning me.

"You're fucking drunk." He laughed.

I nodded. "Let's get more drunk! Do you have vodka?" I said, skipping over to a door and pulling it open. "No vodka in here." I frowned, crossing my arms and pouting.

"That's the toilet, idiot." Harry snorted and went into a different room. He came out with a glass filled with clear liquid. I clapped gleefully and grabbed it, raising it to my lips.

"Water?" I spluttered, not expecting that taste at all.

Harry nodded. "When people drink on their own, it's usually because they're upset."

"I'm not upset!" I jumped onto his bed and lay down, staring at the ceiling. Then I sighed and rolled over, underestimating the width of the bed as I hit the soft carpet.

Harry rushed over to me but I just giggled and pulled him down beside me. Facing him, I lightly ran my fingers down the bridge of his nose.

Something jolted inside of me. A boy laughing, he's on his bike and we're surrounded by greenery.

*flashback*

"Wait for me Harry!"

The small boy, chestnut brown locks falling into his eyes looked back and stuck his tongue out. "You're so slow, Willow. Hey that rhymes!" He laughed, scornfully not slowing down for the little girl behind him.

"Harry please wait for me." The girl pleaded, her messy curls blowing in the breeze behind her. She pushed down on the pedals, her little legs determined to catch up with her older brother.

Then a huge thump as she collided with an oak tree. Footsteps, someone was hugging and cradling her. Nursing her poor twisted arm.

"Harry, it hurts!" She cried, tears falling down her cheeks and trickling onto her frilly white dress. The boy picked her up in his arms, he was only little himself and carried her the whole way home. Even though his arms ached and he was exhausted.

"I'll never leave you behind again, Willow."

*flashback ends*

I sat bolt upright quickly. Harry was looking at me weirdly, confusion evident in his face.

"Harry! I know you." I said, eyes wide with shock.

He laughed a little, unsure. "Yeah, you do?" It sounded like a question.

"No, like I've known you. When we were young. Do you remember me?" I said desperately, trying to make him see.

"Willow, you're so completely out of it." He chuckled, shaking his head and looking away from me. Concluding this was drunken nonsense that I was spouting.

I frowned a little and didn't push it further, he wouldn't take me seriously now.

"Go home, okay?" He said, watching me carefully.

"I can't." I suddenly yelled, frightening Harry as he jumped a little.

"What? Why?" He said, rapidly becoming more concerned.

"My home doesn't fucking want me there!" I screamed, throwing myself onto the bed.

"Willow, what are you talking about?"

I got serious, sniffling. "My home doesn't want me."

On the verge of tears, Harry placed an arm on me comfortingly. That's all I needed to let my tears flow and trickle down my face. My thoughts and mind may be numbed by the intoxicating fluid I had consumed but my heart was sober. And it pined for the boy I had tried to wash out of my thoughts.

"Simon left me." I gasped between tears, the words felt like a punch to the stomach. It made it even more real. I heard Harry mumble something but it was inaudible over the thunder drumming in my ears.

I slept, knocked out. Dreams clouded with a lean figure, piercing blue eyes. I was wrong about them, they were dangerous. You could tell what a person was like by looking into their eyes but I guess Simon had even put a mask on them.

It just hurt so fucking bad to lose someone that was the reason you got out of bed in the morning, the one that gave you a reason to keep going, because when you were with them, it seemed like maybe, things would be okay.

But they never would be okay, again. My heart ached because of the empty hole he had left me with. Why was it that everyone left me? My dad left me and now Simon had left me. Abandoned me. Simon had told me to move on to someone who could promise me forever. Did he not see that I didn't want a forever with anybody else but him?

Move on?
How do I move on from that? How do I wake up every day knowing he's not going to be there? I won't get anymore 'good morning, beautiful' or 'goodnight, love' texts from him anymore, I won't have anyone to share my stories with now, he's just gone. My heart bleeds his name whether it's 3am or 3pm.

Move on from Simon? God, how?

-

The next morning, Harry wasn't there when I woke up. He had left me some tablets and some water which I thankfully consumed. I looked like a mess, which is what I was but I couldn't go back home looking like a hobo.

My mum had probably been calling my phone, anxious to know where the hell I was. Another person that I've made mad at me.

I sighed, grabbed a random towel and hopped in the shower.

And there I was, 8am in the morning crying in the shower because I thought I could wash away all the traces of him. All the lies and pain but it didn't work. Because the parts that were hurting, couldn't be touched by water.

And I'm so in love with him, whilst he is doing fine without me.