Still Down

Ready or Not-8:18

Trinity

After taking a nap I woke up to a quiet house. Getting up from the bed I walked into the living room. My eyes traveled around the room hoping to spot August but he was gone.

It was only four in the afternoon and I, of course, had nothing to do. I hated being alone. I hate not having control over my feelings.

I rather work all day and night to avoid being alone and then have time to think about unwanted thoughts that wander in my mind.

And that's exactly how I felt now. Like a dark cloud was over my head; No sunlight in the forecast.

Crazy because it was dark and cloudy outside. Rain started pouring down. Tapping my window.

After cooking dinner and watching TV around the house for the next couple of hours I began getting ready for bed.

It was now eleven at night.

I finally gave up on waiting on a call, text, anything from August.

I accepted that tonight was just going to be one of those cold lonely nights. That I had to myself to let everything I've been holding in out. I cried out of frustration and anger.

If god loves me why is he making me encounter so much pain. I know he blessed me with August and im more than grateful for that but why am I like this.

Why can I love so much when it comes to other people but when it comes to me I see nothing to love.

I sat in the corner of the room, letting all my tears hit the pillow that I held tightly in my hands.

"You kno it breaks ma heart seein ya cryin like dis." His voice surprised me because I wasn't expecting to see him until tomorrow.

"Your not supposed to be here."

I didn't bother looking up and instead kept my face buried in my pillow. I heard his footsteps getting louder until they stopped in front of me.

"If I'm losing my minds it's okay. I don't want to think anymore. I just want to go. I need closure." I breathed in slowly and exhaled running my hands through my hair.

Getting up from the floor, I looked in his eyes. "Let's go." Grabbing his hand I pulled him into my closet.

Grabbing a small suitcase, I packed some clothes that could last me 4-5 days. Running to the bathroom I grabbed all my hygiene items throwing them in the suitcase also.

I held his hand in mines, practically dragging him out the apartment building.

"Bahbey slow down. Wea we goin?"

"Can you take off work a couple days pleasr?" I asked as we got into my car.

"I'on know love. What'chu tryin ta do?"

"I want to show you my home."

He smirked and nodded his head, "Only fa you will I do this."

"Thank you." I reached over kissing his lips softly.

After driving to his house and packing him his clothes. We were on the rode.

It was a twelve hour drive but I was to determined to get to Chicago that I had no intentions on stopping other than to use the restroom, get something quick to eat, or for gas.

"You not sleepy bahbey?"

"A little. We should be there in 5 hours though. I'll rest then."

"Its five in'a mornin and you been drivin since twelve. Bahbey at least switch spots wit me so you can get some sleep too."