Ruse Defiance (GirlxGirl) COMPLETED

Chapter 33

Lois

Months, years, and all have passed, the autumn gave way to the snow and the winter give way to the spring, and the leaves that crept under the branches all came back to a renewed life. Another day, another breathe, and it will continue.

But it wont be the same.

It just wont be the same, the mantle eroded, the tears fell down and it'll got lost to too many things I cant get back, or thought I cant get back but I just dont care anymore. My fingers clutch the last thing that connects to my past self and again the aching continues, I thought I am used to this pain but it just feel new every time.

" I ask for their heads and their filthy bloods on my hand,I ask for revenge and kill with my demons just to see it happen.But I never asked for this... I never asked for you! I never asked for you to love me.. don't. Just hate me, please."

Just hate me, just hate me!

" I hate you," I sobbed and clutched the leather that confines me with my present as the aching continues, the anger, and the bitterness of losing something I never have. " W-why.. why did you have.. t-to come b-b-back, Ru.. P-p-please." It just hurt, so much, I thought I am better, I thought I am, but she came back, and no matter how I hate it the anger of being left keep on slicing me inside and yet it still longed for those eyes, those lips and everything that there is and she's willing to give.

" B-but.. b-but it hurts." Sprawling in the floor, the clock ticks in a revitalized frenzy, the wind gust like the last breath of the man dying in between the chaos and it doesn't make sense, the pain doesn't make sense.

They said the heart can only take so much before it snap, and the beating will stop, but all, all of it, the feelings will always be there, for once you will believe its gone, but one spark, one picture and it'll keep coming back and it'll drown you.

The door burst open, and feet came running in and an arm pulled me to cry inside the embrace of the solace, this little serenity of warmth. " Princess... " The pain in his voice rumbles as his fingers stroke my hair. " Hush.. Princess. "

I sobbed and buried my face in his neck, asking for a little comfort with all the pain I felt inside, the feeling like something is slicing my heart and squeeze it to pieces, over and over again.

Did I ask for this, did the wife deserve the beating from the hands of those she once love? She knows she did not but why does it still hurt like every nerve of the being ask for that pain.

" W-why.. D-dad? W-why.. d-did.. she c-came b-back.. I-it hurs...it h-hurts. sooo much."

" Hush.. Princess, just let it out. " He rubbed my back and kiss my head, the uncertainty in his voice never failing to reach my ears. He is as lost as I am, like a kid that chases his dad asking him never to go a thought cross his mind that maybe he will change his mind, but no, he will always go and leave you uncertain on what to believe anymore and so you let it rain away.

All the anger, the questions, the pain and love stained his shirt for it just hurt so much inside to keep. " Its been a year, a year of agony without her by my side and nothing but the thoughts shes dead, but I did not stop.. I keep coming to that place where I lost her, hoping she will show up, hoping I will find just her b-body. But shes gone, still, I search.. I lost. I lost her, Dad.. and it hurts, cause now that shes back.. it only means one thing.. she really left me.. she really left me to suffer.. and.. I still love her. I still god damn do!? But it hurts... it hurts.. so bad. "

He sighed and stroke my hair, " It's alright honey, it'll be alright." We stayed there for a while, the conflicted face of the father witnessing his daughter being tortured by circumstances he wish he could control, and the daughter whom was once so full of life, warmth and happiness that even the sunshine felt shame upon seeing her face is now hugging him for life, like the coldness had steal her warmth away and all she can do is ask for a little, just a spec of warmth, while he trembles as hear my sobs and I can feel the anger he kept inside for the person who he treated as a daughter.