in a world where your moods are visible above your head, displayed through pictures and icons, it's impossible to hide your true feelings.
however dan howell seems to be lacking this. labelled as an emotionless freak, dan is outcasted because his mo...
"I-I feel s-sick, s-sorry," Dan stammers, stumbling to his feet, "c-can I be e-excused?"
"Yes Dan," his mother says with a heavy sigh, "get some rest if you feel sick."
Dan nods, basically bolting out of the dining room life there was a fire chasing behind him. He doesn't go to his room though, he goes to his brother's room. It's still so much like him - it feels like he could walk in at any second, like he's going to come back to it at any given moment.
Dan didn't lie, he does feel sick but not the kind that gets better with rest. The kind of sick which curls within you, the kind that your immune system can't fight. It's the kind of sick that you have to mentally fight, the kind that traps you.
No one would miss you now, his mind jeers, but it's right again. Now that his brother is gone, there's no one left to miss Dan anymore.
Dan collapsed onto the ground, curling up in a ball in the middle of his brothers room, sobbing his heart out until he eventually falls asleep, his heart now as empty as his mind.
***
At school, Dan's sleeves just cover the sores on his knuckles.
It's painful when the material rubs against the tender skin, but it's not like Dan has another option. He can take the pain.
Someone suddenly grabs the front of Dan's sweater, slamming his back against the brick wall of the science classrooms. Dan winces, his hands pressing against the cold brick, wishing that he could just sink right through it. No such luck though.
"Hey Howell," a voice sneers - Alfie - "since you can't feel emotions, can you still feel pain?"
"I don't think so," a new voice says, who Dan identifies as Chris, "I don't think he feels anything."
"Great," Alfie sniggers, facing Dan and drawing his fist back, "then this shouldn't hurt a bit Howell."
Dan lets out a soft groan of pain when Alfie's fist connects with his stomach. He doubles over, clutching his stomach, protecting it with his arms.
"You're such a freak, do us all a favour and disappear," Chris sneers, pushing Dan to the ground.
Dan doesn't bother trying to stand again. He's too busy trying to fill his lungs with air again after the punch winded him. He's gasping for air, each breath causing a ripple of pain in his gut.
"You don't belong here," Alfie says.
They walk off then, not wanting to get caught, not that anyone would really care anyway. Everyone chooses to turn a blind eye. Maybe they think Dan deserves it, that he purposely lacks a mood, that he's hiding something.
After five minutes, Dan staggers to his feet, walking slowly across the schoolyard towards the safety of his first class. Thy aren't stupid enough to bully him in front of teachers.
"Hey Dan!" A voice calls out suddenly and a hand catches his arm, spinning him around.
Dan winces in pain at the sudden movement before he comes face to face with bright blue eyes. It's Phil Lester again. Dan doesn't know whether he wants to cry of hidden happiness or annoyance or just cry in general because life sucks.
"W-what?" Dan stammers, biting his lip and looking at Phil with sad eyes, his gaze flickering to the small sun shining over Phil's head.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry if I made you feel bad," Phil says, fidgeting with his fingers, "and I think you do belong in this world."
"I-I already t-told you that I-I don't," Dan says with a sigh, looking down with shame, "I d-don't belong a-anywhere."
"You do, you wouldn't be here if you didn't belong Dan," Phil says, "feeling left out like you do, that's a mood. It shows that you do care, just like me and everyone else. You belong here just as much as everyone else Dan."
You obviously don't, everyone thinks you should just disappear, his mind sneers at him.
"Th-then w-why do I f-feel like k d-don't?" Dan asks with tear filled eyes.
"I don't know, people don't realise Dan but, please, I want to show you that you do belong," Phil says, offering him a warm smile.
"W-w-why?" Dan asks, frowning with confusion.
"Because I don't like seeing people sad, and... I think you deserve happiness just as much as everyone else," Phil says with a shrug, "especially after your brother."
And after those words leave Phil's mouth, Dan finds himself breaking down into tears in the middle of the school yard, sinking to the ground and sobbing.
He feels an arm slip around his shoulders. His brother used to do this at these times; hold him while he just cried.
But it's not his brother this time;
It's Phil Lester.
*****************
an// shorter chapter but aw Philly is so cute! I can't believe he's 29 where does time go? He's such a cute angel bean.
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H
elp me bc school is already ew. But thanks so much for 1.5K followers!!
Anyway thanks so much for reading, please check out my new teen fic book and I hope you're enjoying the story so far! ^_^
