Moving forward: an if I stay fanfic.

Adam

Pregnant...

I think I stop breathing.
I just stare at her, unable to speak.
"A-Adam?" She whispers. She gently touches my cheek but I jump up quickly and run to the bathroom, feeling like it might be me who is sick this time. I lock the door and stare at myself in the tiny mirror.
I'm such an idiot... How could I do this? Mia has lost everything... And just when her life is getting semi-normal again I... I do what? I go and knock her up. Great.
Not to mention, I won't be a good father.
My god, I'm going to be a father.
I can't do this. I need alcohol. Or pills.
I scramble around in the bathroom looking for something, anything, to help me calm down.
There is absolutely nothing, unless toothpaste could help me.
While looking, I end up slipping and hitting my head, cussing myself and everything else out.

Was this supposed to be like this? Shouldn't I be ecstatic? Shouldn't I be out there with Mia, celebrating this new life together? Instead I'm sitting in here with no drink, no pills, and a bleeding forehead.

I hear Mia knocking on the door, asking if I'm okay.
Isn't that bullshit, the one with the thing growing inside of her that is going to ruin her life is asking me, the moron who did it to her, if I'm okay.
Bullshit.

So instead of being a responsible adult, I stay there on the floor. In all honestly I'm just hoping my small forehead wound will bleed enough that I can at least lose consciousness.

Sadly, I remain entirely coherent. Being sober sucks.