Search the Galaxy // Poe Dameron

heart to heart

Maybe he took notice of the clicking of my fingers whenever I was anxious, or the pattern my shoes clicked against the floor to every time I sat. He noticed quite a bit about me, over time, but one thing he never knew was how to tell whether or not I was conscious. I never thought to use it to my advantage until after the incident. 

As every other time we were together in person, Poe remained in close proximity. At the end of the twin bed he sat, feet stretched out, a type of barrier against my back to ensure I didn't roll over the edge by accident. At last, a deep sigh reached my ears. I waited for him to speak. Instead, his long fingers rested on my calf, tapping, to the same rhythm my feet usually did. As soon as I recognized the rhythm, a quick smile raised my lips. 

"I've got it," he said. 

I stayed silent, wondering if he was speaking to me, or to the me he believed was unconscious. 

"It's the flinch within your fingers that's a sign of you waking up." I adjusted my head to look at him. He offered a smile. "I don't blame you for not wanting to talk. I don't expect you to want to." 

I sniffled. "I had no control."

"When have you ever?" he sighed. 

"That's not an excuse. I've always known I was dangerous, that my triggers were easily pulled. I never should have stayed on Yavin with you."

"What would have happened if you didn't?" he challenged. 

"Less people would have been harmed."

"Can't deny that. But you forget that you haven't killed any..." he stopped, when my eyes left his. His head slowly dropped. "Oh, love..."

"You don't have to say it. I know I'm a monste--"

"Don't you dare say that word," he snapped. Poe reached for my chin, forcing our eyes together again. "You are not a monster. Monsters don't feel remorse. Monsters don't feel."

"If I'm not a monster, what am I?"

"You are a good person, who's occasionally poisoned by the darkness inside."

I paused. "Oddly precise."

"The dark side exists within all of us. Yours is heightened," said Poe thoughtfully. He caressed my cheek. "It's my fault you went through this. If I hadn't missed you, if I'd just gone to Jakku by myself, you wouldn't have broke."

"You couldn't have known the First Order was going to attack," I said.

"But I knew there was a chance. I shouldn't have put you in that situation," he argued.

It was at that moment when a group of Cadets decided to pass through the corridor of the room Poe and I sat in. We refrained from trying to speak over their obnoxious laughter, which forced us to listen to a man's speech. "...imagine the reward we'd get for giving her to Ren."

"Didn't he kill the remaining Jedi?" asked a woman.

"Whatever that girl is, she ain't a Jedi," said the first man. "I say we kidnap her."

"And risk getting ourselves killed? Didn't you see that lightning? She's dangerous."

"Which is exactly why we have to take action against her. You see..." the speech continued, though Poe and I weren't blessed enough to hear the rest. The Cadets paraded past our hall.

Poe made a movement to go after the group. I pressed my hand against his chest. Brow creased, he stared at me. "You can't expect me to sit here and do nothing while they're planning to give you a death sentence."